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What are the advantages and disadvantages of using social media sites such as Facebook?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of using social media sites such as Facebook? l7o7Q
Nowadays, social media is one of the important things that teenagers are spending most of time. There are so many social media platforms such as Facebook, Skype, . . . In this essay, i will present the benefits as well as drawbacks of this issue. On the one hand, social platforms bring lots of disadvantages. First of all, the negative effect is user's behavior. They can spend more than a half of day to use social network. For instance, you really can see that younger don't put their phone down while they go on the street. Therefore, it can be easily for robber to stole their phone. Another issue with social networking is privating informations. The technology is development so soical platform is also developed. But the hackers also develop. Therefore, you can easily lost your data. For example, the hackers send you the link on messenger, you click that, they will know all of thing about you such as where are you, who is your parents. On the other hand, despite the fact that social media has drawbacks, i strongly believe that social media has benefits. First, social media helps people to communicate easily and convenient. In the past, we did not have social media, we just had a telephone but as we can know, telephone was not cheap. Moreover, in the past, we lost 3-4 day to send the letter for relative. Therefore, social media is helpful for people's communication in modern days. Next, social platform can help us to earn more money. Many people who post their produce on Facebook and their friend and costumers will buy by commenting in that post. Furthurmore, many streamer are become famous by social platform. For Example, Cris Devil Gamer who has 9. 5 million subcribers and he has a lot of money from do the video in the Internet. In conclusion, social network is harmful when they use with any purpose. i believe that if we use social media with right purpose and have a good protect for your privacy, it will be helpful for everyone.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are spending
Consider using "most time" or "most of the time".
most of time
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
such as Facebook, Skype
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
In this essay,
Did you mean "I"?
i
will present the benefits
as well
as drawbacks of this issue. On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
bring lots of disadvantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect is user's behavior. They can spend more than a half of day to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network.
For instance
, you
really
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that younger don't put their phone down while they go on the street.
Therefore
, it can be
easily
for robber to stole their phone. Another issue with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking is
Possible spelling mistake found.
privating
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
. The technology is development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible spelling mistake found.
soical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platform
is
also
developed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the hackers
also
develop.
Therefore
, you can
easily
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "lose"
lost
your data.
For example
, the hackers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
you the link on messenger, you click that, they will know
Consider using "all thing" or "all of the thing".
all of thing
about you such as where are you, who is your parents.
On the other hand
, despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has drawbacks,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has benefits.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to communicate
easily
and convenient. In the past, we did not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
had a telephone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as we can know, telephone was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
.
Moreover
, in the past, we lost 3-4 day to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the letter for relative.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is helpful for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's communication in modern days.
Next
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platform
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to earn more money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who post their produce on Facebook and their friend and costumers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
by commenting in that post.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Furthurmore
,
Possible agreement error. The noun streamer seems to be countable; consider using: "many streamers".
many streamer
are become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platform
.
For Example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cris
Devil Gamer who has 9. 5 million
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
subcribers and
he has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money from do the video
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the Internet".
in the Internet
.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network is harmful when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
with any purpose.
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
with right purpose and have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
protect for your privacy, it will be helpful for everyone.
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IELTS essay What are the advantages and disadvantages of using social media sites such as Facebook?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
346 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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