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What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a part – time job while being at school?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a part – time job while being at school? 3LLMl
To begin with, part-time jobs can assist college students in becoming more independent from their parents in finance so it is one of the obvious merits why undergraduates choose to work for a part-time job, which can help them ease the financial burden for their parents. For instance, university fees are currently increasing so some of the underprivileged cannot cover the total expenses. By working part time, they can earn other wage to support their study or occasional splurges. On the flip side, a noteworthy disadvantage of having a part-time job is that undergraduates may not strike a balance between working hours and study time. To be specific, many college students aspire to lift the financial burden by spending their leisure time making as much money as possible instead of taking part in extracurricular activities at school. As a result, fatigue or lack of preparation for the next day’s academic activities would be inevitable consequences that they have to face, potentially leading to their poor academic performances
To
begin
with, part-time jobs can assist college students in becoming more
independent from
their parents in finance
so
it is one of the obvious merits why undergraduates choose to work for a part-time job, which can
help
them
ease
the financial burden for their parents.
For instance
, university fees are
currently
increasing
so
some of the
underprivileged cannot cover the total expenses. By working
part time
, they can earn other wage to support their study or occasional splurges. On the flip side, a noteworthy disadvantage of having a part-time job is that undergraduates may not strike a balance between working hours and study time. To be specific,
many
college students aspire to lift the financial burden by spending their leisure time making as much money as possible
instead
of taking part in extracurricular activities at school.
As a result
, fatigue or lack of preparation for the
next
day’s academic activities would be inevitable consequences that they
have to
face,
potentially
leading to their poor academic
performances
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I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a part – time job while being at school?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
166 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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