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we cannot help everyone in the world that needs helps, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.24

Many people believe that we should help everyone in the world. However, I disagree with that because help should first start from the ones at home and it is difficult to know who exactly needs our help. Since the strength of a nation is measured by how supportive its people are to each other, those close to us are the ones who need most help. Concerning that, there are many options for those who want to help the ones in need. For example, local charity associations can raise money for the less fortunate, or people themselves simply have to ability to help their relatives, friends and whoever around them that seems needy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
everyone in the world.
However
, I disagree with that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
should
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from the ones at home and it is difficult to know who exactly needs our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

Since the strength of a nation
is measured
by how supportive its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are to each other, those close to us are the ones who need most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
. Concerning that, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
options for those who want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the ones in need.
For example
, local charity associations can raise money for the less fortunate, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
themselves
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their relatives, friends and whoever around them that seems needy.

IELTS essay We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
112 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • we cannot help everyone in the world that needs helps, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.24