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Violent TV-shows and aggressive video games should be banned on governmental

Well it's a very debatable topic. Large section of society is in the favour of banning violent TV-shows and aggressive video games while some people are against it. Both the parties have their valid arguments. Generally, it is believed that their should be some degree of censorship on these kinds of shows and games. Personally, I think that it's absolutely inappropriate to put restrictions on this genre of shows and video games. I can't deny the fact that it affects the viewer but at the same time I must admit that it's pretty important to be aware of the violence and aggression because it's a harsh reality. We are living in the cruel world and these things existed in the real life as well. Their is no doubt about that these above explained shows and games helps us in overall development of our personality. For a instance I was binge watching the web-series on one of the online streaming platform about how we can protect us or our loved ones from terror attacks and it helped me the very next day when someone kidnapped me and how i deceived him and run away from him. But at the same time I agree with the popular belief of having regulatory authority to monitor these shows and games but with fair amount of freedom. To conclude i would like to point out that it's all upto you or your children's. The makers are not forcing you to buy thier creations. It's all in your hand if you are comfortable with violence and aggression go for it otherwise don't.
Well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
debatable topic. Large section of society is in the
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favour’ is British English.
favour
of banning violent TV-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and aggressive video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are against it. Both the parties have their valid arguments.
Generally
, it
is believed
that
Did you mean “there”?
their
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
degree of censorship on these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
absolutely
inappropriate to put restrictions on this genre of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. I can't deny the fact that it affects the viewer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
pretty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be aware of the violence and aggression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
a harsh reality. We are living in the cruel world and these things existed in the real life
as well
.
Did you mean “there”?
Their
is no doubt about that these above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us in
overall
development of our personality. For
Use “an” instead of ‘a’ if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘an article’, ‘an hour’.
a
instance I was
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
binge watching
the web-series on one of the online streaming platform about how we can protect us or our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones from terror
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
attacks and
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
next
day when someone kidnapped me and how
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
deceived him and run away from him.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
at the same time I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the popular belief of having regulatory authority to monitor these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
amount of freedom.
To conclude
Did you mean “I”?
i
would like to point out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
all
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
you or your children's. The makers are not forcing you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
creations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
all in your hand if you are comfortable with violence and aggression go for it
otherwise
don't.
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IELTS essay Violent TV-shows and aggressive video games should be banned on governmental

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
266 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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