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Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on children. a) Do you agree or disagree? b) Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples for your own experience and knowledge.

It is argued that using a computer on a daily basis have more disadvantages as compared to advantages on children. I agree with this opinion as kids these days are suffering from different physical and mental issue as a result of spending long hours on computers. This essay will first discuss the eyesight problem and secondly, highlight anger issues on children as a consequence of using computers. On the one hand, operating computer regularly for longer period of time can cause cataract problem on a pupils. As they have to stare at a computer screen to use computer which may leads to serious eye issue. Consequently, minors suffer from headache, burning eyes, eye discomfort and dry eyes. For instance, the report published on the Kathmandu Post on 2019 shows that out of 20 kids who used computer regularly, It is found that 15 were victims of cataract. The main reason for this problem is spending too much time on a screen. On the other hand, juvenile become more aggressive and violent due to excessive use of computer. The kids are mainly attracted towards computer games because of which they imitate activities of games in their real life as most of the games contain simulated violence. The child show their aggressive behavior caused by loss in games among players. This revenge further leads to committing violence. For example, the article published on India today on 2020 reveals that a 14 years old boy from India attempted Suicide by consuming poison after his mother took away his phone while he was playing Pubg game. In short, performing such activity on a computer make a child brutal and wild. In conclusion, the negative effects of computer are far more than positive in a pupil life. Excessive time spending on a computer caused sight problems and also brings changes on behavior and activity of minor such as becoming offensive and violent.
It
is argued
that using a computer on a daily basis have more disadvantages as compared to advantages on children. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion as kids these days are suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
physical and mental issue
as a result
of spending long hours on computers. This essay will
first
discuss the eyesight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and
secondly
, highlight anger issues on children as a consequence of using computers.

On the one hand, operating computer
regularly
for longer period of time can cause cataract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
on
The plural noun “pupils” cannot be used with the article “a”. Did you mean “a pupil” or “pupils”?
a pupils
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stare at a computer screen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer which may leads to serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eye
issue.
Consequently
, minors suffer from headache, burning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eyes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eye
discomfort and dry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eyes
.
For instance
, the report published on the Kathmandu Post on 2019
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that out of 20 kids who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
computer
regularly
,

It
is found
that 15 were victims of cataract. The main reason for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is spending too much time on a screen.

On the other hand
, juvenile become more aggressive and violent due to excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer. The kids are
mainly
attracted towards computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they imitate activities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in their real life as most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
contain simulated violence. The child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their aggressive behavior caused by loss in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
among players. This revenge
further
leads to committing violence.
For example
, the article published on India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
on 2020 reveals that a 14 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy from India attempted

Suicide by consuming poison after his mother took away his phone while he was playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pubg
game. In short, performing such activity on a computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a child brutal and wild.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of computer are far more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
in a pupil life. Excessive time spending on a computer caused sight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and
also
brings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
on behavior and activity of minor such as becoming offensive and violent.
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IELTS essay Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on children. a) b)

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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