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Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on people. Do you agree or disagree?

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on people. rRJ2
Certain people hold the opinion that the daily use of computers results in more detrimental than advantageous effects. Even though I agree with the statement that computers cause damaging effects on health, the positives still outweigh the harmful outcomes. Computers are extremely useful in our daily life because it is a convenient and accessible way of working. These days, computers are light-weight so they can be carried around easily. Due to its many functions, many people own this device. For instance, computers can be used for work and recreational purposes, such as gaming and a form of television, which is useful to those young and old. In addition, almost all households own computers as they are able to perform a myriad of functions. For this reason, laptops and computers are beneficial to our lives. However, long-term usage of these electronics can be harmful to our health. For example, office workers are more likely to develop short-sightedness and carpal tunnel syndrome. Some people are addicted to gaming which means they sit staring at a computer for hours. For this reason, using computers for long periods of time promotes a sedentary lifestyle which, in turn, is also harmful to our well-being.  Therefore, for these reasons, using computers has a negative effect on our life. In conclusion, while electronics have certain negative results on our health, this is not outweighed by the countless advantages. Using this device should be used in moderation to try to limit the harmful effects. Having said this, I completely disagree with the statement that computers have more negative than positive effects.
Certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the opinion that the daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers results in more detrimental than advantageous effects.
Even though
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that computers cause damaging effects on health, the positives
still
outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
outcomes.

Computers are
extremely
useful in our daily life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a convenient and accessible way of working. These days, computers are light-weight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
be carried
around
easily
. Due to its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
functions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
this device.
For instance
, computers can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for work and recreational purposes, such as gaming and a form of television, which is useful to those young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
In addition
, almost all households
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
computers as they are able to perform a myriad of functions.
For this reason
, laptops and computers are beneficial to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

However
, long-term usage of these electronics can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
to our health.
For example
, office workers are more likely to develop
Possible spelling mistake found.
short-sightedness
and carpal tunnel syndrome.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are addicted
to gaming which means they sit staring at a computer for hours.
For this reason
, using computers for long periods of time promotes a sedentary lifestyle which, in turn, is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
to our well-being.  
Therefore
, for these reasons, using computers has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on our life.

In conclusion
, while electronics have certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results on our health, this is not outweighed by the countless advantages. Using this device should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in moderation to try to limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
effects. Having said this, I completely disagree with the statement that computers have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.

IELTS essay Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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