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Traditional medices and alternative medices

Traditional medices and alternative medices 2568A
Here in Brazil nowadays we just use modern medicine to take care of the population. The traditional medicine with plants and this kind of thing was used only by Indians in a long past ago. I'm certain that the use of pharmaceutical products, which is an example of modern medicine is always increasing, this is not so good although medicinal products be a good way for the treatment of diseases the pharmaceutic industry becomes a market only with economic purposes besides the people healthy.
Here in Brazil nowadays we
just
use
modern medicine to take care of the population. The traditional medicine with plants

and this kind of thing was
used
only
by Indians in a long past ago.

I'm certain that the
use
of pharmaceutical products, which is an example of modern medicine is always increasing, this is not
so
good
although medicinal products be a
good
way for the treatment of diseases the pharmaceutic industry becomes a market
only
with economic purposes
besides
the
people
healthy.
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IELTS essay Traditional medices and alternative medices

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
84 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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