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tourism is killing culturral traditions

tourism is killing culturral traditions MqpL6
Almost every country around the world presenting their cultural traditions to attract tourists. It is the belief of some individuals, that these may be destroyed if they are modified to attract tourists, on the other hand, some believe, it is the single way to protect the cultural traditions from dying. I, personally side with the first view. Among various tourists attractions, cultural traditions are one of the most important attraction which drives lots of visitors from overseas in a country. By tourism, a country can boost its economic growth as well as they will be able to spread their culture in the world. However, to attract more visitors, sometimes local artists make simple changes so that they can earn more money from their arts. Thus, the cultural traditions keep getting modified little by little, and soon these traditions will lose their original forms. As a result, these will disappear altogether. On the other hand, Tourism is the backbone of any country’s economy and every country does its effort to attract tourists. Tourism can help a nation to develop and represent themselves. If our artists and artisans do not earn money from their art, which depicts our culture and tradition, then this art will die off automatically. Sometimes the presentation of art is very important to attract visitors and to present nicely simple changes are also essential. To conclude, I believe, protecting the cultural traditions are very crucial for a country, and without presenting any modified cultural traditions, every country should represent its authentic form of culture to the world.
Almost every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
around the world presenting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. It is the belief of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals, that these may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
if they
are modified
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
,
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe, it is the single way to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
from dying. I,
personally
side with the
first
view.

Among various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
attractions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
are one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
attraction which drives lots of visitors from overseas in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. By tourism, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can boost its economic growth
as well
as they will be able to spread their culture in the world.
However
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attract
more visitors,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
local artists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
simple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can earn more money from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
getting modified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
will lose their original forms.
As a result
, these will disappear altogether.

On the other hand
, Tourism is the backbone of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
does its effort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. Tourism can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a nation to develop and represent themselves. If our artists and artisans do not earn money from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, which depicts our culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
, then this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
off
automatically
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
the presentation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attract
visitors and to present
nicely
simple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are
also
essential.

To conclude
, I believe, protecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and without presenting any modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should represent its authentic form of culture to the world.
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IELTS essay tourism is killing culturral traditions

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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