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TOEFL Sample essay : integrated essay from TPO6

TOEFL Sample essay: integrated essay from TPO6 YLmEK
Regarding the reading, communal online encyclopedias has a lot of problems that make them much less valuable than traditional printed encyclopedias. In contrast, the professor believes that the author's reasons are prodigious against the communal online encyclopedias, therefor he refuted the author's reasons due to three concrete pieces of evidences. First, that contributors to a communal online encyclopedias often lack the academic credentials backgrounds leading to an inaccurate content, based on what the reading claims, is refuted by the professor. He stated that if someone was to look for an error free source of information, he would never find such a source. She added that an error in communal online encyclopedias could be corrected, while an error in a printed form will stay for decades. Second, the reading states that communal online encyclopedias gives unscrupulous users and vandals the opportunity to corrupt the text information. Quiet the reverse, the professor mentions that communal online encyclopedias protects the crucial fact in a reading only format that no one could reach it or edit it. Also she added that the encyclopedias hire special editors who view the editing in order to confirm the good one and delete the others. Finally, according to the reading communal online encyclopedias usually focus too much on trivial and popular topic giving a false impression of what is important. The professor casts doubt on this issue by saying that because of the limited space for traditional encyclopedias, they are force to decide what subject to include and what is not to be published. She added that the unlimited space for the online encyclopedias is not a problem and it serve as one of the biggest advantage for it.
Regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
, communal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
encyclopedias has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them much less valuable than traditional printed encyclopedias.
In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
believes that the author's reasons are prodigious against the communal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
encyclopedias, therefor he refuted the author's reasons due to three concrete pieces of evidences.

First
, that contributors to a communal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "encyclopedia"?
encyclopedias
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lack the academic credentials backgrounds leading to an inaccurate content, based on what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
claims,
is refuted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
. He stated that if someone was to look for an error free source of information, he would never find such a source. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
that an error in communal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
encyclopedias could
be corrected
, while an error in a printed form will stay for decades.

Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
states that communal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
encyclopedias gives unscrupulous users and vandals the opportunity to corrupt the text information. Quiet the reverse, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
mentions that communal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
encyclopedias protects the crucial fact in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
format that no one could reach it or edit it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
that the encyclopedias hire special editors who view the editing in order to confirm the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
one and delete the others.

Finally
, according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
communal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
encyclopedias
usually
focus too much on trivial and popular topic giving a false impression of what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
casts doubt on this issue by saying that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the limited space for traditional encyclopedias, they are force
Did you mean "deciding"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'force' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to decide
what subject to include and what is not to
be published
. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
that the unlimited space for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
encyclopedias is not a problem and it
Did you mean "serves"?
serve
as one of the biggest advantage for it.
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IELTS essay TOEFL Sample essay: integrated essay from TPO6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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