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TOEFL integrated writing Altruism

TOEFL integrated writing Altruism qVQ6w
The given passage emphasizes on the altruism and gives examples of humans and animals exhibiting the altruistic behaviour. According to passage, Individuals performing altruistic acts do not gain anything for themselves. However the lecturer contradicts this point by giving findings of a study and some examples which casts a doubt in the conclusion made in the passage. Firstly, according to passage in meerkats group one individual will act as a sentinel and will look out for predator while putting itself in danger as it standing alone. But the lecturer argues that the sentinel meerkat will stand next to it's burrow while standing guard so it will be easy for it to escape. And also the lecturer points out that the alarm cry made by the standing meerkat will scare the predator of from it and will prompt predator towards the group which will be either scattered or sticked together upon hearing the alarm which makes it easier for the predator to hunt. secondly the claim made in the passage about the standing guard meerkat will starve while the other members of the group are feeding themselves is put down by the lecturer by pointing out that the sentinel meerkat will feed itself stomach full before taking the on-guard duty. The passage claim about the humans who donate organs to either strangers or family members will gain nothing in return, but the lecturer not completely agree with it he points out that the person who donates the organs to either to strangers or family members will get appreciation in return and will make his self worth increase. And the lecturer points out that many people will do anything to increase their self worth. In this way, the lecturer casts a doubt in the conclusion made in the reading passage.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
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passage
emphasizes on the altruism and gives examples of humans and animals exhibiting the altruistic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. According to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
, Individuals performing altruistic acts do not gain anything for themselves.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecturer
contradicts this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
by giving findings of a study and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples which casts a doubt in the conclusion made in the passage.

Firstly
, according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkats
group one individual will act as a sentinel and will look out for predator while putting itself in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standing
alone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecturer
argues that the sentinel
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkat
will stand
next
to it's burrow while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standing
guard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will be easy for it to escape. And
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecturer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
out that the alarm cry made by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standing
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkat
will scare the predator of from it and will prompt predator towards the group which will be either scattered or
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "stuck", the past tense form of the verb 'stick'?
sticked
together upon hearing the alarm which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier for the predator to hunt.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
the claim made in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standing
guard
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkat
will starve while the other members of the group are feeding themselves
is put
down by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecturer
by pointing out that the sentinel
Possible spelling mistake found.
meerkat
will feed itself stomach full
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking the on-guard duty.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
claim about the humans who donate organs to either strangers or family members will gain nothing in return,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecturer
not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
Consider adding a comma here.
it
he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
out that the person who donates the organs to either to strangers or family members will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
appreciation in return and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self worth
increase. And the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecturer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
out that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will do anything to increase their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self worth
.

In this way, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecturer
casts a doubt in the conclusion made in the reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
.
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IELTS essay TOEFL integrated writing Altruism

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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