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Todoy, the life expecloncy of peopre rb much higher fhon before. some people think thot older people should conlinui to be involved in the worffiorce- To whor exfenf do you ogree or disogree? (Disogree)

Todoy, the life expecloncy of peopre rb much higher fhon before. some people think thot older people should conlinui to be involved in the worffiorce- To whor exfenf do you ogree or disogree? (Disogree) 3L7yw
It is true that longevity has led to an increase in the ability of people to work for longer years. on the face of it, increasing the retirement age seems to be a logical outcome of the increase in the lifespan. However, I disagree with the statement that older people should continue to be a part of the workforce. I shall support my point of view in the following paragraphs. The proponents of this view suggest that if we can live longer, we can work longer. No doubt people are living longer than in the past times, due to the advancement in the discoveries in medicine, however, after a certain age the physical capability of a human reduces. Also, many people suffer from health ailments. That is the time they need to relax and enjoy, after working for decades. They should be utilizing that time in travelling and pursuing their interests and hobbies, which they couldn't because of their hectic work life. Moreover, those who work throughout their lives in physically demanding and challenging jobs, it might not be possible for them to work in old age. Also, some studies have shown that the increase in life expectancy has a direct relation with the income. Those who earn well are healthier than the low paid workers. This is because the better salaried people normally do not have physically demanding jobs and can afford better treatments. Another major disadvantage of increasing the retirement age is an increase in the unemployed youth. Unemployment among the younger population leads to bigger problems, like increase in the crime rate, violent behavior, drug addiction, and so on. That is a bigger menace, which needs to be curbed before it goes out of control' lncreasing the retirement age will definitely not help with the issue of unemployment of the youth. ln fact, it will only worsen it, especially in developing countries, like lndia and China. In conclusion, an increase in the retirement age should not be made without careful consideration of what consequences it might have on the future generations and the entire workforce of the nation. Considering that the youth is the future of any nation, an increase in the older workforce is definitely not a good solution to any count4y's economic and social problems.
It is true that longevity has led to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
years.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the face

of it, increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
seems to be a logical outcome of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the lifespan.
However
, I disagree with the statement that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should continue to be a part of the workforce. I shall

support my point of view in the following paragraphs.

The proponents of this view suggest that if we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
. No doubt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are

living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
than in the past times, due to the advancement in the discoveries in medicine,
however
, after

a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
the physical capability of a human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from health ailments.

That is
the time they need to relax and enjoy, after working for decades. They should be utilizing that time

in travelling and pursuing their interests and hobbies, which they couldn't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life.

Moreover
, those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
physically
demanding and challenging jobs, it might

not be possible for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies have shown that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in life

expectancy has a direct relation with the income. Those who earn well are healthier than the low paid

workers. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the better salaried
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
normally
do not have
physically
demanding jobs and

can afford better treatments.

Another major disadvantage of increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the unemployed youth.

Unemployment among the younger population leads to bigger problems, like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the crime rate,

violent behavior, drug addiction, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
That is
a bigger menace, which needs to
be curbed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it

goes out of control'
Possible spelling mistake found.
lncreasing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
will definitely not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with the issue of unemployment

of the youth.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
fact, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
worsen it,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, like
Possible spelling mistake found.
lndia
and China.

In conclusion
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should not
be made
without careful consideration of what

consequences it might have on the future generations and the entire workforce of the nation. Considering

that the youth is the future of any nation, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the older workforce is definitely not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good


solution to any count4y's economic and social problems.
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IELTS essay Todoy, the life expecloncy of peopre rb much higher fhon before. some people think thot older people should conlinui to be involved in the worffiorce- To whor exfenf do you ogree or disogree? (Disogree)

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
380 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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