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Some counlries poy extremely high sorories for people. some peopre believe thof the counlry rnusf nol do lhol ond moke o limil for fhe solories. Do you ogree or disogree?

Some counlries poy extremely high sorories for people. some peopre believe thof the counlry rnusf nol do lhol ond moke o limil for fhe solories. Do you ogree or disogree? RVnMY
Wealth inequality ls a problem faced by many countries across the world. This is because a few people get astronomically high salaries. Therefore, some people say that there should be an upper limlt on the salaries. l, however, disagree with this notion. A number of arguments surround my opinion. To begin with, I believe that those who are the top have achieved that place with their effort and so they deserve what they are getting. Wealth is not the culprit. There should be no negative associations with the word wealth in the context of people having it. The current President of United Stated, Barack Obama is a typical example of a person who has achieved his dream. He succeeded in transcending his social class, his race etc. and became the president of United States. Thus capitalism provides everyone with a fair chance to reach great achievements in their life if they seize the opportunitles' Secondly, it is the people who decide the high salaries of a select few. For example, let us presume that Inany people want to see high quality cricket. so, a person like Mahendra singh Dhoni, who has a talent for cricket and has honed his cricket skills, would be much in demand. People would be ready to pay for the service he offers (excellent cricket) and consequently his high wage will be justified. On the other hand a mediocre cricket player would not be paid at all since there is no demand to see mediocre cricket' Finally, this discrepancy in salaries ultimately benefits the whole society. The strongest motivational force, a human being can feel towards work, is a potential reward for their efforts. Therefore, those who work hard and contribute most to society should justly also gain the most in form of increased wealth. lf those who work will benefit equally as the ones who do not, there will be no reason to work and the overall productivity will be lowered, which is bad for society. lncentives are therefore necessary since it increases the overall standard for the whole society in form of material wealth. Even the worst off may benefit more than they would have, if the productivity had been low e. g. through charities etc. To sum up, I reiterate my opinion by saying that the extremely high salaries are. lustified and there should not be a limit on it. A system which, values individuality, rewards ability and risk-taking, ultimately prospers. Poverty and social dysfunction cannot be fixed by taking from the haves to give to the have- nots. To improve the situation, the poor must be motivated to work hard and do something.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Wealth
inequality ls a problem faced by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries across the world. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get


astronomically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that there should be an upper
Possible spelling mistake found.
limlt
on the

salaries.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
l
,
however
, disagree with this notion. A number of arguments surround my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I believe that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are the top have achieved that place with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
effort and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they

deserve what they are getting.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Wealth
is not the culprit. There should be no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
associations with the

word
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
in the context of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having it. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
President of United Stated, Barack Obama is a

typical example of a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has achieved his dream. He succeeded in transcending his social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, his

race etc. and became the president
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the United States".
of United States
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
capitalism provides everyone with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
chance

to reach great achievements in their life if they seize the
Possible spelling mistake found.
opportunitles
'

Secondly
, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of a select few.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us presume that

Possible spelling mistake found.
Inany
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, a person like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mahendra
Possible spelling mistake found.
singh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dhoni
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a talent for

cricket and has honed his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, would be much in demand.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
would be ready to pay for the

service he offers (excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket)
and
consequently
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wage will
be justified
.
On the other hand
a

mediocre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cricket
player would not
be paid
at all since there is no demand to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
mediocre cricket'

Finally
, this discrepancy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
ultimately
benefits the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The strongest motivational force,

a human being can feel towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, is a potential reward for their efforts.
Therefore
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and contribute most to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
should
justly
also
gain the most in form of increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lf
those

who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will benefit
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
the ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not, there will be no reason to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and the
overall


productivity will
be lowered
, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lncentives
are
therefore
necessary since it increases

the
overall
standard for the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in form of material
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
. Even the worst off may benefit more

than they would have, if the productivity had been low
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
through charities etc.

To sum up, I reiterate my opinion by saying that the
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
are.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lustified
and there should

not be a limit on it. A system which, values individuality, rewards ability and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
-taking,
ultimately


prospers. Poverty and social dysfunction cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
by taking from the haves to give to the have-

Possible spelling mistake found.
nots
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation, the poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be motivated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and do something.
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IELTS essay Some counlries poy extremely high sorories for people. some peopre believe thof the counlry rnusf nol do lhol ond moke o limil for fhe solories. Do you ogree or disogree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
441 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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