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Today, people are buying more consumer goods like jewelry and household appliances. Do the advantages overweigh the disadvantages?

Today, people are buying more consumer goods like jewelry and household appliances. Do the advantages overweigh the disadvantages? xm2J1
In modern society, the general public are buying more leisure and luxury products than ever before. Throughout this essay, I will explore the advantages and disadvantages for this trend and express my own opinion on the matter. Firstly, I will discuss the negatives of people buying more consumer goods and secondly I will share the positives of this trend. Many consumer goods do not give any real benefit to the person who has bought them. Moreover, these purchased items may cost the consumer a substantial sum of money, possibly causing stress over personal finances. For example, many of these goods could be bought with loans, or other types of credit, which may not always be paid back due to lack of funds or other financial commitments. On top of that, household appliances such as TVs and air conditioners need a lot of energy to be powered. As a result of this, the individual will find they are again having to balance more bills and commitments than is achievable. On the other hands, jewelry and fashion gives many people great happiness. Furthermore, if people have enough disposable income to spend on luxury items that make them happy, then that should be their personal choice. If a person has enough money for an iPad without getting into debt, then they should be free to buy that item. Many people feel they should also support certain companies and buy their products. As a result of this, the producers of consumer goods can employ large numbers of people, giving them jobs and financial support. In conclusion, there are many benefits and negatives in people purchasing more consumer goods. In my opinion, overall the increase is a positive thing, as it shows that more people have disposable income to spend on items they truly like.
In modern society, the
Consider using "public".
general public
are buying more leisure and luxury products than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Throughout this essay, I will explore the advantages and disadvantages for this trend and express my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion on the matter.
Firstly
, I will discuss the negatives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
buying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
secondly
I will share the positives of this trend.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
do not give any real benefit to the person who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
them.
Moreover
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
may cost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
a substantial sum of money,
possibly
causing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
over personal finances.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
with loans, or other types of credit, which may not always
be paid
back due to lack of funds or other financial commitments.
On top of that
, household appliances such as TVs and air conditioners need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
energy to
be powered
.
As a result
of this, the individual will find they are again having to balance more bills and commitments than is achievable.

On the other hands, jewelry and fashion gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
great happiness.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
disposable income to spend on luxury
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy, then that should be their personal choice. If a person has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for an iPad without getting into debt, then they should be free to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel they should
also
support certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their products.
As a result
of this, the producers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
can employ large numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, giving them jobs and financial support.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits and negatives in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
purchasing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
. In my opinion,
overall
the increase is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have disposable income to spend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
they
truly
like.
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IELTS essay Today, people are buying more consumer goods like jewelry and household appliances. Do the advantages overweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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