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To what extent has Information technology reduced social inequality

People who live in highly developed countries often take access to information technology for granted. They find it hard to imagine a world in which this technology does not bring greater prosperity. However, as the IT revolution moves forward in some parts of the world, in other parts of the world the poor are falling further and further behind. Indeed there are many barriers to wider IT access and its potential benefit. To begin with, illiteracy is a major obstacle for social inequality and IT are not acceptable for those people who can not read even in their native language. And what about people whose mother tongue is not English? I live in Uzbekistan. Here it is normal to get primary education for everyone because it is free. But even my parents who are educated people can not use computer and the Internet because they do not speak English. And being able to use English at least at the levels A1-A2 is a must for accessing the Internet. Moreover, basic infrastructure in some countries is inadequate. Again I use my own country as an example. In my region we face a problem of irregular electricity supply. Sometimes we do not have electricity for some hours a day and sometimes we even don’t have it for some days. And the last but not the least is a cost of Internet access. In highly developed countries free WiFe in public places is a widespread facility. Here we enjoy free Internet only in a few places of a city. And in order to get cable Internet for a home PC the one has to pay a sum which is quite high according to a typical salary. A monthly fee is equal to one in five from hundred percent of a salary. So not every person who wants to access the Internet has such an opportunity. To sum up I would like to underline that the appearance of international technology has not reduced social inequality itself. It gave some more opportunities for poorer people but they not always can use them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
highly
developed
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countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to information technology for granted. They find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to imagine a world in which this technology does not bring greater prosperity.
However
, as the IT revolution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
forward in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world, in other parts of the world the poor are falling
further
and
further
behind.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Indeed
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
barriers to wider IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
and its potential benefit.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, illiteracy is a major obstacle for social inequality and IT are not acceptable for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can not read even in their native language. And what about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose mother tongue is not English? I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Uzbekistan. Here it is normal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
primary education for everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is free.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
even my parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer and the Internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not speak English. And being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
English at least at the levels A1-A2 is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for accessing the Internet.

Moreover
, basic infrastructure in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is inadequate. Again I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as an example. In my region we face a problem of irregular electricity supply.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
we do not have electricity for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hours a day and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we even don’t have it for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
days.

And the last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least is a cost of Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
. In
highly
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
free
Possible spelling mistake found.
WiFe
in public places is a widespread facility. Here we enjoy free Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in a few places of a city. And in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
cable Internet for a home PC the one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay a sum which is quite high according to a typical salary. A monthly fee is equal to one in five from
Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
percent of a salary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
not every person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
the Internet has such an opportunity.

To sum up I would like to underline that the appearance of international technology has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
social inequality itself. It gave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more opportunities for poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they not always can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.
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IELTS essay To what extent has Information technology reduced social inequality

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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