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To send a story about friends I have made in unusual circumstances

To send a story about friends I have made in unusual circumstances gwBg
When my sister invited me to visit France with her two years ago in November, I couldn't contain my excitement. Knowing I loved french culture and food, she promised that we will see everything that we can in a week. So I couldn't wait for this wonderful event! When we arrived in Paris we had to stay with our mutual friend for a week. But when we were already at the airport, our friend wrote that she was called to work and urgently needed to leave because of this. So we would not be able to stay with her. We didn’t know what to do and decided to find an apartment for a week through the program. And of course the hope has already expired that someone will "shelter" us. Suddenly, one caucasian guy decided to help us on the condition that we bring him something from our country and cook in the mornings. We agreed because we hadn't have another choice. Then, we had to take the subway to the stop where he would meet us. It was night and to be honest it was creepy, but we decided on it. For a long time we could not find the subway, but soon we met and he turned out to be a very nice person. Our savior, whose name is Rashid, is very cool automotive and concept designer Peugeot firm's. Thanks to him, we spent a wonderful week in Paris, learned a lot of new things and to this day we are great friends with Rashid.
When my sister invited me to visit France with her two years ago in November, I couldn't contain my excitement. Knowing I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
french culture and food, she promised that we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
everything that we can in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I couldn't wait for this wonderful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
!

When we arrived in Paris we had to stay with our mutual friend for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when we were already at the airport, our friend wrote that she
was called
to work and
urgently
needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
because of this
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we would not be able to stay with her. We didn’t know what to do and decided to find an apartment for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
through the program. And
of course
the hope has already expired that someone will
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
shelter
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
us.

Suddenly
, one
Possible spelling mistake found.
caucasian
guy decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us on the condition that we bring him something from our country and cook in the mornings. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
Did you mean "hadn't had"?
hadn't have
another choice. Then, we had to take the subway to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
where he would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
us. It was night and to be honest it was creepy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we decided on it. For a long time we could not find the subway,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
we
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
met and
he turned out to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
nice person.

Our savior, whose name is Rashid, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cool automotive and concept designer Peugeot firm's. Thanks to him, we spent a wonderful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
in Paris, learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
new things and to this day we are great friends with Rashid.
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IELTS essay To send a story about friends I have made in unusual circumstances

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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