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Write about the following topic: More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

: More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. 7o8X
Obesity as disease has become much concerned topic of todays world. The developed nations are the most impacted with the obesity issues which have engulped the young generation. In this essay I would like to elucidate the reasons and impacts of the obesity on the developed country. In today worlds everyone is making a rush to lead a wealthy life with least or almost ignorance towards heathy living. The changing food habit and the standard of living has grave effect on the health of the young generation. The parent are busy with their work and social life do not get sufficient time to cook due to which children are indulge in the unhealthy food habits. Especially junk food which are resulting into hideous impact on the children’s health. To compensate the limited time spend with children, parent treat their children with budger, pizzas and aerated drink is. The excessive junk eating has not only increase the risk of obesity in these childerns but also more and more youngster are prone to heart diseases. Also now a days children are more interest in computer games rather than playing sports or out door games. The lack of exercise and almost negligible physical activity has not only lead to obesity but frail generation who are getting lethargic. The servey says almost more than 70% of the youg children preffer to computer games with least interaction with friend and family instead of outdoor games with friends. The school has import role to play in given situation were in sport needs to be promoted in school goig children with inclusion of exercise or physical excericse should be part of compulsory syllabus and involving parent. Home food to be promoted over junk food Healthy generation will contribute to the wealth and progress of the country and thus will lead to actual development of the country.
Obesity as disease has become much concerned topic of
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world. The developed nations are the most impacted with the obesity issues which have
Possible spelling mistake found.
engulped
the young generation. In this essay I would like to elucidate the reasons and impacts of the obesity on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
worlds everyone is making a rush to lead a wealthy life with least or almost ignorance towards
Possible spelling mistake found.
heathy
living. The changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habit and the standard of living has grave effect on the health of the young generation. The parent
You should probably use "is".
are
busy with their work and social life do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sufficient time to cook due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
Consider using a past participle here: "indulged".
indulge
in the unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits.
Especially
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which are resulting into hideous impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health. To compensate the limited time spend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, parent treat their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
budger
, pizzas and aerated drink is. The excessive junk eating has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "increased".
increase
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity in these
Possible spelling mistake found.
childerns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
more and more youngster are prone to heart diseases.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more interest in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than playing sports or out door
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The lack of exercise and almost negligible physical activity has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "leaded", "led".
lead
to obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
frail generation who are getting lethargic.

The
Possible spelling mistake found.
servey
says almost more than 70% of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youg
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake found.
preffer
to computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
interaction with friend and family
instead
of outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with friends.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
school has import role to play in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
situation were in sport needs to
be promoted
in school
Possible spelling mistake found.
goig
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with inclusion of exercise or physical
Possible spelling mistake found.
excericse
should be part of compulsory syllabus and involving parent. Home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
be promoted
over junk food

Healthy generation will contribute to the wealth and progress of the country and
thus
will lead to actual development of the country.
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IELTS essay : More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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