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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success. 


In the preceding decades, becoming more and more successful, and achieving the goals or becoming wealthier have been the most pivotal reason for many people to start a job or a business or even scientific research. Undoubtedly reaching success is very important and pleasant yet it is my conviction that being happy and keep faith in yourself should be the main purpose of all of our actions in life. To support this opinion, I will elaborate my reasons in the following. First and foremost, keeping faith in yourself is not only critical for avoiding mental illness like depression but also will enhance one’s self-confidence and satisfaction with life. Generally speaking, believing in yourself is a cause of being optimistic. For the purpose of illustration, I believe the story of Thomas Edison is very notable and illustrative. According to his memoir, he had failed 999 times and eventually succeed in his thousandth try. What we can learn from his story is, He never stops believing in himself and his idea and never stops being optimistic. As a result of being optimistic he did not give up and in the end he succeeded. The second equally important reason that supported my idea lies in the fact that happiness is the most vital key in our life. Happiness in our life I believe, is like a heart in our body, without a heart it is impossible to be alive. My own experience demonstrates that losing happiness can make me an unproductive and unhealthy person. When I was a freshman at University because I did not accept into the program that I was willing to, I got depressed and felt unhappy a lot, as a result, I did not do my best in my first semester and my grades were not good. I was always under stress and therefore a lot of mental and physical illnesses happened to me for example, insomnia, overeating, depression. To regain my health I went to therapy and became healthy and happy again but it took a lot of effort from me. On this issue, if at the first place I was optimistic and stayed happy with the result, which was not bad but only not what I wanted, I would never ever felt this much pain and of course, I could enjoyed my first semester in university and I could appeared in my exams better. From what has been mentioned above, we can conclude that remain happy and optimistic is much more important than achieving success, also I admit that achieving success can brings us a lot of happiness and cause optimism but being successful should not be the only reason to be happy in life. All in all in success or failure we should not lose faith in ourselves and should stay happy and optimistic therefore we can go on and enjoy the path we are going through which is the journey of life.
In the preceding decades, becoming more and more successful, and achieving the goals or becoming wealthier have been the most pivotal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a job or a business or even scientific research.
Undoubtedly
reaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and pleasant
yet
it is my conviction that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
faith in yourself should be the main purpose of all of our actions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. To support this opinion, I will elaborate my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
in the following.

First
and foremost, keeping faith in yourself is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
critical for avoiding mental illness like depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
will enhance one’s self-confidence and satisfaction with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Generally
speaking, believing in yourself is a cause of being optimistic. For the purpose of illustration, I believe the story of Thomas Edison is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
notable and illustrative. According to his memoir, he had failed 999 times and
eventually
succeed in his thousandth try. What we can learn from his story is, He never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
believing in himself and his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
being optimistic.
As a result
of being optimistic he did not give up and in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
he succeeded.

The second
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that supported my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
lies in the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is the most vital key in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
I believe, is like a heart in our body, without a heart it is impossible to be alive. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience demonstrates that losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me an unproductive and unhealthy person. When I was a freshman at University
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I did not accept into the program that I was willing to, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
depressed and felt unhappy a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
,
as a result
, I did not do my best in my
first
semester and my grades were not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. I was always under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
therefore
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of mental and physical illnesses happened to me
for example
, insomnia, overeating, depression. To regain my health I went to therapy and became healthy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
again
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it took a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of effort from me. On this issue, if at the
first
place I was optimistic and stayed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
with the result, which was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
not what I wanted, I would never ever felt this much pain and
of course
, I could
The modal verb ‘could’ requires the verb’s base form.
enjoyed
my
first
semester in university and I could
The modal verb ‘could’ requires the verb’s base form.
appeared
in my exams better.

From what has
been mentioned
above, we can conclude that remain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and optimistic is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
,
also
I admit that achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
can
The modal verb ‘can’ requires the verb’s base form.
brings
us a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and cause optimism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
being successful should not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only “All in”.
All in all in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
or failure we should not lose faith in ourselves and should stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and optimistic
therefore
we can go on and enjoy the path we are going through which is the journey of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay To remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
487 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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