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Some people believe that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste of valuable money. What is your opinion?

It is considered by some that more money invested to defend animals in danger, whilst some people think it is not a right method by using money. It seems to me that money should not spent on this problem because there are many issues in the world, and I will explain why. Firstly, there are the number of natural disasters with which we have lived on the earth. Such as deforestation and erosion are main pressing issues in our life. As countries did not focus on those adversities, people are being passed away and living in poverty. Secondly, desertification is getting spread all over the world, which is an integral part of causes to lose rare animals and push away from mother nature. In other words, there would be opportunities to keep breathtaking place if we saved sightseeing nature more. Thirdly, a great number of youngsters are in unemployed troubles that result in their family. Government tackle urgently above-mentioned issues via their power of money. It is true that endangered animals should be prioritized rather than other social and nature issues because they assist people live more comfortable by their existing in nature. Despite this, it seems that for many older people, other main problems more important. To conclude, the hazardous issues in the world make worse people lives and as a result of these factors we have survived challenges related to nature. This is not say that threatened animals involved in major factor, but it appears to be case very frequently.
It
is considered
by
some
that more money invested to defend
animals
in
danger
, whilst
some
people
think
it is not a right method by using money. It seems to me that money should not
spent
on this problem
because
there are
many
issues
in the world, and I will
explain
why.

Firstly
, there are the number of natural disasters with which we have
lived
on the earth. Such as deforestation and erosion are main pressing
issues
in our life. As countries did not focus on those adversities,
people
are
being passed
away and living in poverty.
Secondly
, desertification is getting spread all over the world, which is an integral part of causes
to lose
rare
animals
and push away from mother
nature
.
In other words
, there would be opportunities to
keep
breathtaking place if we saved sightseeing
nature
more.
Thirdly
, a great number of youngsters are in unemployed troubles that result in their family.
Government
tackle
urgently
above-mentioned
issues
via their power of money.

It is true that endangered
animals
should
be prioritized
rather
than other social and
nature
issues
because
they assist
people
live
more comfortable by their existing in
nature
. Despite this, it seems that for
many
older
people
, other main problems more
important
.

To conclude
, the hazardous
issues
in the world
make
worse
people
lives
and
as a result
of these factors we have survived challenges related to
nature
. This is not say that threatened
animals
involved in major factor,
but
it appears to be case
very
frequently
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste of valuable money. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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