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These days some nations are facing declining in number of students attending science subjects at different university. What are the reasons for such a trend? How will it effect nations?

These days some nations are facing declining in number of students attending science subjects at different university. What are the reasons for such a trend? How will it effect nations? q62RD
In today`s era, a lot of nations are facing decline in number of candidates attending science subjects at university. This is due to high expensive jobs and lot of dedication. It also has a negative impact on many countries, which I will be revealing in this paragraphTo begin with, candidates these days are not attending science subjects at universities. To elaborate on, candidates feel that opting for science subject needs too much hard work and dedication which they feel quite different impossible to achieve it. Secondly, candidates do not opt for science because of high expensive jobs which they and their find difficult to dot it due to which students like to opt for commerce and humanities which they feel as an easy source and low budget. For example, recent research made by Cambridge University stated that around 65% of students like do not like to opt for science because they are afraid if doing hard work and dedication. As a result, there has been shortage of science students among various countries. Moreover, it also has a huge impact on various nations because if candidates do not opt for science then there will be unemployment of doctors and engineers in future and the country will not be able to develop. Also, nation will not be able to set itself in accordance with future as there will be shortage of engineers and nation will be able to develop and no new further inventions will be there. To conclude, candidates shall like to opt for science instead of opting for commerce and humanities, so that there will be no longer shortage of science students and government should take a restrictions to reduce finance in science jobs. By making this step we can overcome this situation in our countries.
In
The character between 'today' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "today’s" (curly apostrophe) or "today's" (straight apostrophe).
today`s
era,
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a lot of
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nations
are facing decline in number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
subjects at university. This is due to high expensive jobs and
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
dedication. It
also
has a
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negative
impact on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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countries
, which I will be revealing in this
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paragraphTo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
these days are not attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
subjects at universities. To elaborate on,
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candidates
feel that opting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
subject needs too much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication which they feel quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
impossible to achieve it.
Secondly
,
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candidates
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opt
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high expensive jobs which they and their find difficult to dot it due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opt
for commerce and humanities which they feel as an easy source and low budget.
For example
, recent research made by Cambridge University stated that around 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like do not like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opt
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are afraid if doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication.
As a result
, there has been shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
among various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Moreover
, it
also
has a huge impact on various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
do not
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opt
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
then there will be unemployment of doctors and engineers in future and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will not be able to develop.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
will not be able to set itself in accordance with future as there will be shortage of engineers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
will be able to develop and no new
further
inventions will be there.
To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
shall like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opt
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
instead
of opting for commerce and humanities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that there will be no longer shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a restriction" or simply "restrictions"?
a restrictions
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
finance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
jobs. By making this step we can overcome this situation in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
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IELTS essay These days some nations are facing declining in number of students attending science subjects at different university. What are the reasons for such a trend? How will it effect nations?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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