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These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages?

These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages? 8Y3w
Nowadays, many people claim that technology has made our life so convenient in order to remove all the obstacles which we used to face in past such as flexibility of advanced personal computers, travelling through metro trains and so on. Though, young generation has started to work from home, while the others argued that the demand to commute to workplace has reduced. In this essay, I will discuss my view points on advantages and disadvantages associated with this. First and foremost, many people have started online businesses with the help of internet and smart devices, which significantly surge the demand for people to work from home. Not only it provides flexibility to employees but also enhances their productivity to perform better in task achievement. In this way, the organization will be able to save a lot of cost in sophisticated way and can spend more money on creating new assets. For instance, if companies promote their staff to work from home, they will save enormous amount of money in favor to deteriorate bills of electricity, water and internet as well. Another view is that traffic congestion will not be an issue for numerous staff as they do not have to depend on public transportation while working from home is in place. Every coin has two sides, some of the people are habituated with sedentary lifestyle as there will be no physical activity is done by workforce while sitting at home while performing their responsibility. In this way, people are compromising their intellectual power to interact with their colleague. Some of the people also seek for alteration in their day to day life so that they can build social life with outside world. To illustrate, those who are addicted to use technological devices such as cell phones, laptops or their personal computers are seem to be less creative and more introvert. The gist of the matter is, people are more comfortable with modern technological devices, and the society has adopted new tools to compete in the market through internet that gives flexibility as well as save precious amount of time and money on travelling.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that technology has made our life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
convenient in order to remove all the obstacles which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to face in past such as flexibility of advanced personal computers, travelling through metro trains and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Though, young generation has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to work from home, while the others argued that the demand to commute to workplace has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. In this essay, I will discuss my view points on advantages and disadvantages associated with this.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
online businesses with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet and smart devices, which
significantly
surge the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work from home. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it provides flexibility to employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enhances their productivity to perform better in task achievement. In this way, the organization will be able to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cost in sophisticated way and can spend more money on creating new assets.
For instance
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
promote their staff to work from home, they will save enormous amount of money in favor to deteriorate bills of electricity, water and internet
as well
. Another view is that traffic congestion will not be an issue for numerous staff as they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on public transportation while working from home is in place.

Every coin has two sides,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are habituated
with sedentary lifestyle as there will be no physical activity
is done
by workforce while sitting at home while performing their responsibility. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are compromising their intellectual power to interact with their colleague.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
seek for alteration in their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can build social life with outside world. To illustrate, those who
are addicted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technological devices such as cell phones, laptops or their personal computers are
Consider using a past participle here: "seemed".
seem
to be less creative and more introvert.

The gist of the matter is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more comfortable with modern technological devices, and the society has adopted new tools to compete in the market through internet that gives flexibility
as well
as
The word "save" is a verb. Did you mean the adjective "safe"?
save
precious amount of time and money on travelling.
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IELTS essay These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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