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These are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others thinks having a range of subject is better for a children’s future. Discuss both side and give your opinion

These are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others thinks having a range of subject is better for a children’s future. Discuss both side and give your opinion 1NVX
On the one hand, there are some educational pioneers believe that book knowledge is not sufficient for careers, schools must add further curriculum activities for children like a small project, science fair, and many more. This kind of activities can create opportunities for children when they are working on it. For Instance, if a school organized a science fair activities of various small projects, then children will learn how to create something new which is not in books what they studies in class.
On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational pioneers believe that book knowledge is not sufficient for careers, schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
further
curriculum activities for children like a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
project, science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. This kind of activities can create opportunities for children when they are working on it.
For Instance
, if a school organized a science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
activities of various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
projects, then children will learn how to create something new which is not in books what they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "study"
studies
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

IELTS essay These are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others thinks having a range of subject is better for a children’s future. Discuss both side and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
83 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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