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There is an opinion that people who have professional jobs such as doctors and teachers deserve to be paid more than professional sports players or actors, while some other people think otherwise. To what extent do you agree or disagree

There is an opinion that people who have professional jobs such as doctors and teachers deserve to be paid more than professional sports players or actors, while some other people think otherwise. gAG61
In my opinion, I agree with this school of thought to some extent. Admittedly, there is a reason to believe that every job does work enough to deserve the money they made. Sports players such as footballers or basketballers were actually doing what they love to do, and since they have done a great job they should be paid a lot, and if other jobs were paid less that was because people doing those jobs were not doing good enough. For example, in Vietnam, the international football team does achieve a lot, and they actually love what they are doing, so they get paid a lot but it is actually enough. However, some people in other jobs still complain about the money they made, but they did not work hard enough to earn more. However, there is also a good reason to argue that white-collar jobs need to be paid more money. The most important thing is that doctors, teachers, and many other professional jobs are irreplaceable in society, and they are forced to work hard in order to fulfill the needs of millions of people. However, the money they made was barely enough compared to the money one professional sports player or actor made. Doctors, for instance, work hard in order to save people’s lives and teachers work to help students learn new knowledge, but the money they make is less than actors or sports players do. In conclusion, even though different jobs do have different earnings, I still think that we need to reduce the salary of actors or sports players and increase the earnings of professional jobs.
In my opinion, I
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agree
with this school of
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thought
to
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some
extent.

Admittedly
, there is a reason to believe that every
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job
does
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work
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enough
to deserve the
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money
they made.
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Sports
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players
such as footballers or
Possible spelling mistake found.
basketballers
were actually
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doing
what they
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love
to do, and since they have done a great
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job
they should be
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paid
a lot, and if other
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jobs
were
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paid
less that was
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because
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people
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doing
those
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jobs
were not
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doing
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good
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enough
.
For example
, in Vietnam, the international football team does achieve a lot, and they actually
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love
what they are
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doing
,
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so
they
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get
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paid
a lot
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but
it is actually
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enough
.
However
,
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some
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people
in other
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jobs
still
complain about the
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money
they made,
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but
they did not
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work
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hard
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enough
to earn more.

However
, there is
also
a
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good
reason to argue that white-collar
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jobs
need to be
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paid
more
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money
. The most
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important
thing is that doctors, teachers, and
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many
other professional
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jobs
are irreplaceable in society, and they
are forced
to
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work
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hard
in order to fulfill the needs of millions of
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people
.
However
, the
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money
they made was
barely
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enough
compared to the
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money
one professional
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sports
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player
or actor made. Doctors,
for instance
,
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work
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hard
in order to save
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people’s
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lives
and teachers
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work
to
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help
students learn new knowledge,
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but
the
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money
they
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make
is less than actors or
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sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
do.

In conclusion
,
even though
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different
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jobs
do have
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different
earnings, I
still
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think
that we need to
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reduce
the salary of actors or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
and increase the earnings of professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
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IELTS essay There is an opinion that people who have professional jobs such as doctors and teachers deserve to be paid more than professional sports players or actors, while some other people think otherwise.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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