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Some people think that people who make lot of money successful but other things that scientist and teachers are more successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that people who make lot of money successful but other things that scientist and teachers are more successful. 0wpxl
It is argued whether money or social contributions should be considered as the criteria to assess a person’s success in society. In my opinion, although the former view can be true in some situations, the latter is more reasonable due to several reasons. On the one hand, there are many reasons why people believe that individuals who earn high incomes are the most successful. Firstly, it is an irrefutable fact that those people who have a high salary are usually working in big companies or having good jobs. This can be exemplified by the case of successful executive leaders of some large businesses, who not only gain respect from others but also still earn many thousand dollars on a monthly basis. Secondly, it is believed by a majority of people that successful people means those who can afford a luxurious life. In other words, they can enjoy the high living standards with prohibitively expensive products such as jewelry, clothes and cosmetics. On the other hand, I am still convinced that people who contribute to the community are the most successful. To begin with, not all wealthy people gain their money legally because they may commit crimes to make profits like trading heroin and money laundering. Therefore, these cases cannot be considered as successful despite their richness. Besides, people like scientists and teachers, who contribute to society are believed to be the most successful in terms of their in-depth knowledge and high social status. To be more specific, being a scientist or a teacher is not easy, so people have to spend a long time and effort acquiring knowledge so that they can satisfy the requirements of those high-level jobs. Therefore, they will receive respect from other people and be recognized as the most successful in society. In conclusion, being rich can be considered to be successful, however, I hold a firm belief that people who contribute to society are the most successful ones.
It
is argued
whether money or social contributions should
be considered
as the criteria to assess a person’s success in society. In my opinion, although the former view can be true in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations, the latter is more reasonable due to several reasons.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
incomes are the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
Firstly
, it is an irrefutable fact that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary are
usually
working in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs. This can
be exemplified
by the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
executive leaders of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
large businesses,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gain respect from others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
still
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
thousand dollars on a monthly basis.
Secondly
, it
is believed
by a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
means
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can afford a luxurious life. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they can enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
living standards with
prohibitively
expensive products such as jewelry, clothes and cosmetics.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I am
still
convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
contribute to the community are the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, not all wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain their money
legally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may commit crimes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profits like trading heroin and money laundering.
Therefore
, these cases cannot
be considered
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
despite their richness.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like scientists and teachers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
contribute to society
are believed
to be the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in terms of their in-depth knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
social status. To be more specific, being a scientist or a teacher is not easy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend a long time and effort acquiring knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can satisfy the requirements of those high-level jobs.
Therefore
, they will receive respect from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
be recognized
as the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in society.

In conclusion
, being rich can
be considered
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
,
however
, I hold a firm belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
contribute to society are the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
ones.
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IELTS essay Some people think that people who make lot of money successful but other things that scientist and teachers are more successful.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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