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Children playing computer games .why is this?

Children playing computer games. why is this? qa6jE
In contemporary epoch, using technology is common for every person. In these days, youngsters love to spend leisure time playing online games on computer. This essay will discuss the causes related to this phonemone and highlight negative impact of this trend on children's future. Analysing the statement and explaining further, the first and foremost reason behind this is that most of families are living in cities; moreover, parents don't have enough time to spend with children. Parents don't tell the importance of outdoor activities to kids. Technology provides many functions and games that anyone can not neglect and become habitual to play indoor games. In addition, nowadays, youth shows too much interest in indoor games rather than outdoor games. One article showed that 60% school going adolescents play pubg game on mobile phone as well as computer. Hence, many people believe that it is wrong development for children. Furthermore, this trend not only put positive effect but also negative influence on people. Firstly, children do not show interest in studies due to technology, always playing games. Secondly, kids can not like to play outdoor sports. Football, vollyball, kabadi and badminton to name a few. If children do not show interest in sports, they will suffer from many health issues in future like obesity. Last but not least this trend has some good results for students who use it wisely and will make bright future with the help of technology. To recpiluate, according to argument aforementioned above, one can reach to conclusion that technology are too great to be ignored and it brings merits and demerits for all people. It depends on person to person choice how to use it wisely.
In contemporary epoch, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is common for every person. In these days, youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to spend leisure time playing online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computer. This essay will discuss the causes related to this
Possible spelling mistake found.
phonemone
and highlight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of this trend on children's future.

Possible spelling mistake. 'Analysing' is British English.
Analysing
the statement and explaining
further
, the
first
and foremost reason behind this is that
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the families") or simply say "most families".
most of families
are living in cities;
moreover
, parents don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to spend with children. Parents don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the importance of outdoor activities to kids.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
functions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that anyone can not neglect and become habitual to play indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
In addition
, nowadays, youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
too much interest in indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. One article
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 60% school going adolescents play
Possible spelling mistake found.
pubg
game on mobile phone
as well
as computer.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
development for children.

Furthermore
, this trend not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Firstly
, children do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
interest in studies due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, always playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Secondly
, kids can not like to play outdoor sports. Football,
Possible spelling mistake found.
vollyball
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
kabadi
and badminton to name a few. If children do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
interest in sports, they will suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health issues in future like obesity. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results for students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
wisely
and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
bright future with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of technology.

To
Possible spelling mistake found.
recpiluate
, according to argument aforementioned above, one can reach to conclusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are too great to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
and it brings merits and demerits for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It depends on person to person choice how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
wisely
.
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IELTS essay Children playing computer games. why is this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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