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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

: There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. r8696
Nowadays, students are under stress of achieving academic goals successfully. Consequently, many people argue that in order to keep students focus on practical subjects, school curriculums should remove skill-based subjects like physical education and cookery. I agree that focusing on academic subjects is important for many children. However, non-academic works are essential for students as well, and it should not be withdrawn form school schedules. For many, spending the majority of time on practical works is one way of being successful, but it is not necessarily the best option for every student. Some students might have a future plan that does not require practical skills such as physics and Maths to achieve. For example, if a young person wants to be a chef, it is better to gain experience of cookery in stead of studying science. Furthermore, some subjects provide students opportunities to unwind and relax during busy school days. Through the creative lessons or sport activities, students will feel refreshed, and be able to pay more attention on other academic courses. For example, during a physical education class, students can stretch and improve their blood circular, which has positive impact on their body after sitting for a long time. Moreover, other hands-on skills like woodwork or art can be beneficial to children, as they can gain some knowledge and apply it on their daily life. In conclusion, the removal of non-academic subjects might be one way to keep students focus on academic work. Nonetheless, skill-based courses are crucial for students to learn and practice as well, and they should be kept in school curriculums.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
goals
successfully
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
focus on practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculums should remove
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like physical education and cookery. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children.
However
, non-academic works are essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as well
, and it should not be withdrawn form
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
schedules.

For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, spending the majority of time on practical works is one way of being successful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not
necessarily
the best option for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might have a future plan that does not require practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as physics and
Possible spelling mistake. 'Maths' is British English.
Maths
to achieve.
For example
, if a young person wants to be a chef, it is better to gain experience of cookery
Did you mean "instead of"?
in stead of
studying science.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opportunities to unwind and relax during busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
days. Through the creative lessons or sport activities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will feel refreshed, and be able to pay more attention on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
courses.
For example
, during a physical education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can stretch and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their blood circular, which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on their body after sitting for a long time.
Moreover
, other hands-on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like woodwork or art can be beneficial to children, as they can gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge and apply it on their daily life.

In conclusion
, the removal of non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
might be one way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
work. Nonetheless,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
-based courses are crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn and practice
as well
, and they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculums.
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IELTS essay : There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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