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there have been many technological developments in 20th century for example transport, telecommunication and health. How has it changed peoples lives.?. Have all the changes been positive.?

in 20th century lots of technological advancements have been in achieved in variety of domains such as transport, telecommunication and wealth and these advancements has affected peoples live very effectively in both ways. In my opinion telecommunication is the backbone of human development. nowadays most of the people on globe have possession of smartphones. before 20th century when the advancement in telecommunication was less. People used to face a lot of troubles while communicating. People at that time were not so concerned about education. but after technological revolution they received everything they were deprived of such as flexibility in networks which helps to have seamless conversations. Video call features were also introduced as a part of same. As the telecommunications services grew rapidly they came up with lots of services along with strong networks such as social media apps, news apps and other services etc. And with social media and news apps they can stay updated and connected with current affairs almost anytime and anywhere. However people are getting hooked to these advancements like a glue. They are spending their majority of time on such things which is more than enough and harmful also for the health. It also releases radiations which results into headache sometimes and some other troubles are also encountered such as poor eyesight, depression, dark circles and lack of concentration. To conclude with telecommunication plays very important part in our development though it has many side effects and people should understand this. But still its helping humans to progress, evolve and grow in a lot of ways and that is the most positive impact and advancements human generations can ever have.
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in
20th century
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lots
of technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
have been in achieved in variety of domains such as transport, telecommunication and wealth and these
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advancements
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
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peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effectively
in both ways. In my opinion telecommunication is the backbone of human development.
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nowadays
most of the
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people
on globe have possession of smartphones.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
before
20th century when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancement
in telecommunication was less.
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People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to face a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of troubles while communicating.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
at that time were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
concerned about education.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
but
after technological revolution they received everything they
were deprived
of such as flexibility in networks which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to have seamless conversations. Video call features were
also
introduced as a part of same. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telecommunications
services grew
rapidly
they came up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of services along with strong networks such as social media apps, news apps and other services etc. And with social media and news apps they can stay updated and connected with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs almost anytime and anywhere.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
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people
are getting hooked to these
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advancements
like a glue. They are spending their majority of time on such things which is more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and harmful
also
for the health. It
also
releases radiations which results into headache
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other troubles are
also
encountered such as poor eyesight, depression, dark circles and lack of concentration.
To conclude
with telecommunication plays
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very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in our development though it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
side effects and
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people
should understand this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
still
its helping humans to progress, evolve and grow in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of ways and
that is
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
human generations can ever have.
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IELTS essay there have been many technological developments in 20th century for example transport, telecommunication and health. How has it changed peoples lives. ? . Have all the changes been positive. ?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
275 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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