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There has been a suggestion that full time student should be doing other activities asides from their study.

There has been a suggestion that full time student should be doing other activities asides from their study. It is agreed that by doing other activities that is not the student’s routine learning will greatly benefit the individual. Young people should participant in various activities in order to learn complete life skill. To begin, despite the benefit gained from academic learning, neglecting other hobby and focusing purely on studying gives off harmful results. The major downside from not engaging in outside activities is the lack of real-world experience. Real life problems are usually more complicated than what could be found in the book. If one lacks in experience of the real work, then it would be difficult for the individual to adjust. Another major drawback from constant learning academic-wise is the chance that the learner will be overwhelm with stress. Human requires time for relieve and that usually comes in a form of leisure activities. Furthur more, physical health problems could may as well stems from overstudying as the person would not be in an active physical position. In contrast, by engage in leisure activities or simple social convention will heavily boosted person’s experience and learning. The person will learn from real life problem they faced, which will give them an deeper understanding of their obstacle. Their mental and physical health will be in a good shape as well. Activity like sport give its participants a good body exercise as well as teaching them about socialization such as team work. Some hobby such as painting or dancing could give the student a chance to express themselves and find their possible talent. However, by no mean that academic education is inferior to leisure activities. Both need to be conducted together to give a balanced life style. In conclusion, student should be doing other activity such as sport or hobby and not solely study. It is recommended that both academic and leisure be conducted together to give a balanced lifestyle.
There has been a suggestion that full time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should be doing other

activities asides from their study. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that by doing other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that

is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
routine learning will
greatly
benefit the individual. Young

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should participant in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in order to learn complete life

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, despite the benefit gained from academic learning, neglecting other

hobby and focusing
purely
on studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
off harmful results. The major

downside from not engaging in outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is the lack of real-world

experience. Real life problems are
usually
more complicated than what could

be found
in the book. If one lacks in experience of the real work, then it would

be difficult for the individual to adjust. Another major drawback from constant

learning academic-wise is the chance that the learner will be
Consider using the past participle "overwhelmed"?
overwhelm
with

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Human requires time for relieve and that
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in a form of

leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Furthur
more, physical health problems
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "could, may", "could" or "may"?
could may
as well


stems from
Possible spelling mistake found.
overstudying
as the person would not be in an active physical

position.

In contrast
, by engage in leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
or simple social convention will

heavily
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "boost"
boosted
person’s experience and learning. The person will learn from

real life problem they faced, which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
deeper understanding of

their obstacle. Their mental and physical health will be in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape
as well
.

Activity like sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
its participants a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
body exercise
as well
as teaching

them about socialization such as team work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
hobby such as painting or

dancing could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
a chance to express themselves and find their

possible talent.
However
, by no mean that academic education is inferior to

leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Both need to
be conducted
together to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a balanced life

style.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should be doing other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
such as sport or hobby

and not
solely
study. It
is recommended
that both academic and leisure
be conducted
together to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a balanced lifestyle.
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IELTS essay There has been a suggestion that full time student should be doing other activities asides from their study.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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