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Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children ?

Many diseases encounter at the time of childhood can be prevented with the advent of vaccines. However, the question arises, whether the vaccine should be made mandatory for children to protect them from dreadful diseases or it should be a voluntary decision by the parents. In my opinion, it should be mandatory to follow the immunization process made by law to protect children from harmful diseases. This essay will discuss firstly, why it is important to immunize and secondly, how educating the parents about vaccination would help prevent children from dreadful diseases. On the one hand, the health sector should be made it mandatory for parents to immunize their children to prevent childhood diseases for their better future. Many common childhood diseases like polio, hepatitis B, measles, OPV, DPT are only a few that have managed globally with several shots from birth. For instance, in the olden days, smallpox was a dreadful disease that caused the loss of hearing, with government-aided compulsory smallpox vaccine program, this disease has been eradicated. Therefore it is necessary to prevent a disease right from childhood to build a better world both economically and socially. On the other hand, many uneducated people who are not aware of the purpose of vaccination may think that it is cost-effective, harmful, and have its own side-effects. For instance, many government sectors are scheduling many free pulse polio programs and awareness programs about vaccines to educate underprivileged people. Furthermore, a community's future depends on the health of its citizens, especially children. Besides being beneficial on an individual level, spreading awareness and improving access to immunization is crucial to economic and societal progress. To conclude, in my opinion, it should be made compulsory by law and, people must be aware of the importance of vaccinating their children at a young age to protect them from dreadful diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
encounter at the time of childhood can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
with the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
.
However
, the question arises, whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccine
should
be made
mandatory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to protect them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreadful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
or it should be a voluntary decision by the parents. In my opinion, it should be mandatory to follow the immunization process made by law to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. This essay will discuss
firstly
, why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to immunize and
secondly
, how educating the parents about vaccination would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreadful
diseases.

On the one hand, the health sector should
be made
it mandatory for parents to immunize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
for their better future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
common childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like polio, hepatitis B, measles,
Possible spelling mistake found.
OPV
, DPT are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few that have managed globally with several shots from birth.
For instance
, in the olden days, smallpox was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreadful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
that caused the loss of hearing, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
-aided compulsory smallpox
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccine
program, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
has
been eradicated
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
right from childhood to build a better world both
economically
and
socially
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
uneducated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are not aware of the purpose of vaccination may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it
is cost
-effective, harmful, and have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
sectors are scheduling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
free pulse polio programs and awareness programs about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
to educate underprivileged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
, a community's future depends on the health of its citizens,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Besides
being beneficial on an individual level, spreading awareness and improving access to immunization is crucial to economic and societal progress.

To conclude
, in my opinion, it should
be made
compulsory by law and,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware of the importance of vaccinating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at a young age to protect them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreadful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
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IELTS essay Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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