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There are many female students who finish degrees in science and technology courses at university, but few move into their workplace after they graduate .why is this ? What measures can be taken to encourage the into work? Situation.

There are many female students who finish degrees in science and technology courses at university, but few move into their workplace after they graduate. why is this? What measures can be taken to encourage the into work? Situation. pRJ70
According to some masses, in the universe most of female scholars are attentive and passionate about their study after getting good degree they stay in home. however I agree that in my community there is a discrimination between gender and most of girls are staying at home after graduation because of unemployment. its has both positive and negative drawbacks which I will explain in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, in the latest scenario if we talk about these days education is most important in each and every field. moreover, in the 22st century in every sector good quality education is most vital for all individuals. furthermore, if a scholars has gain a good training and practical theory in his life he can launch different app and software and earn huge income from there. For example, if a leader has a good concept of english language he/she can give ielts class and a well certified institute and earn money. Secondly in my native country nepal due to the lack of unemployment most of female leader are staying at home after getting a good degree from university. Similarly, in my society most of the women are getting married in a certain age and their didn't encourage her to get a good quality education and force to take care of her child, husband and work in the fieldTo conclude, in my prospective I personally agree are family member should have a right concept about the education and education is important and we should encourage him/her to go university to learn language
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses, in the universe most of female scholars are attentive and passionate about their study after getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
degree they stay in home.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that in my community there is a discrimination between gender and
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the girls") or simply say "most girls".
most of girls
are staying at home after graduation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unemployment.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
its
has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
drawbacks which I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, in the latest scenario if we talk about these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in each and every field.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
, in the
Please check the suffix, if this is an ordinal number.
22st
century in every sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is most vital for all individuals.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, if
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a scholar" or simply "scholars"?
a scholars
has gain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
training and practical theory in his life he can launch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
app and software and earn huge income from there.
For example
, if a leader has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
concept of
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
language he/she can give
Possible spelling mistake found.
ielts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and a well certified institute and earn money.
Secondly
in my native country
Possible spelling mistake found.
nepal
due to the lack of unemployment most of female leader are staying at home after getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
degree from university.
Similarly
, in my society most of the women are getting married in a certain age and their didn't encourage her to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and force to take care of her child, husband and work in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
fieldTo
conclude, in my prospective I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
are family member should have a right concept about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
important and
we should encourage him/her to go university to learn language
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IELTS essay There are many female students who finish degrees in science and technology courses at university, but few move into their workplace after they graduate. why is this? What measures can be taken to encourage the into work? Situation.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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