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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.8

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 8
There are a myriad genres of music across the globe presently. According to me, music is indispensable as a stress buster and entertainment. Besides, the traditional music certainly has great significance vis-a-vis the international music. Firstly, music plays a vital part in our life by helping to overcome the tensions of everyday life. People really enjoy and are entertained by listening and dancing to the beats of music, be it local or global. For example, whenever I am very stressed after a hectic day at work, I feel completely fresh and energised post listening to music. Secondly, music conveys and carries the traditional and cultural values of a nation. Most faiths in the world, play religious songs to spread the teachings of saints and sages. The young generation can learn of their own traditional values by way of music which is not only soothing but also educational in this regard. In addition, the traditional music is imperative for the upkeep of the ancient morals, values and culture of a country. If only international music is heard, although it is great, people will loose connect with the roots and traditions of their own society. Moreover, traditional music provides employment to many natives who earn a living by composing lyrics and creating music for the populace. By and large, the traditional music is more popular and sells more in a country thus creating income for the sellers of traditional music. To conclude, I believe that while a plethora of music forms are present across nations in this age, the traditional music is greater in significance as it plays the role of spreading the native cultural values and creating income for people. Furthermore, music is paramount in reducing stress of day to day life.
There are a myriad
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "genre"?
genres
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
across the globe
presently
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is indispensable as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster and entertainment.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
certainly
has great significance
'vis-a-vis' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "vis-à-vis"
vis-a-vis
the international music.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays a vital part in our life by helping to overcome the tensions of everyday life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
really
enjoy and
are entertained
by listening and dancing to the beats of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, be it local or global.
For example
, whenever I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
after a hectic day at work, I feel completely fresh and
Possible spelling mistake. 'energised' is British English.
energised
post listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
conveys and carries the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
and cultural values of a nation. Most faiths in the world, play religious songs to spread the teachings of saints and sages. The young generation can learn of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values by way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
soothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
educational in this regard.

In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is imperative for the upkeep of the ancient morals, values and culture of a country. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is heard
, although it is great,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
connect with the roots and traditions of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
society.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
provides employment to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
natives who earn a living by composing lyrics and creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for the populace. By and large, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more popular and sells more in a country
thus
creating income for the sellers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
music.

To conclude
, I believe that while a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
forms are present across nations in this age, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is greater in significance as it plays the role of spreading the native cultural values and creating income for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is paramount in reducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of day to day life.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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