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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.29

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 29
Music is the language of the world and it presents the unique tradition and custom of a tribe, society or nation. People listen to different types of music with great interests because it inspires us, refreshes our mind, heals our wounds, motivates us and so on. However, it is arguable that whether the traditional music of a nation plays more crucial roles than the modern music that is popular worldwide. From my point of view, the former one is more important than the latter one for the reason that it can reflect the cultural identity and the history of a nation. First of all, no one can deny that most of the people love to listen to music as it inspires us, relaxes our mind and let us forget our anxiety and tension. For example, a person may get stressed out and tired when he returns from the office and the music can work as the magic to remove his tiredness. A growing number of people these days listen to music while commuting and this is quite effective to enjoy the time even on a busy road and amid of a tiresome journey. Rich lyrics can enhance our intellectual level and it is often true that a person could be judged by the types of music he listens to. Music is a global language that connects people, protests unjust, inspires people and creates a unique form of entertainment which is not only refreshing but also educational. Traditional music, itself, represents traditions and customs of a nation. Behind the music, there are history, story of a nation and even religious lessons. In addition, traditional music can connect people with their cultural heritage, left from ancestors. Hence, it plays the vital role and bears the indigenous practices and dignity of a nation. Thus, we must preserve our own traditional music as they could tell the history and life of our ancestors as well as what we really are. Despite that, many people chose to listen to the international music. It can bring different nations together and teach lessons that were unknown to a person. The music is different and can suite with a person's choice. In conclusion, traditional music is much more important than the modern international music which can be heard in every part of the world. Youngsters should give their heart to their own traditional music to keep their cultural heritage alive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is the language of the world and it presents the unique tradition and custom of a tribe, society or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with great interests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it inspires us, refreshes our mind, heals our wounds, motivates us and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
However
, it is arguable that whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
plays more crucial roles than the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that is
popular worldwide. From my point of view, the former one is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the latter one for the reason that it can reflect the cultural identity and the history of a nation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, no one can deny that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as it inspires us, relaxes our mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us forget our anxiety and tension.
For example
, a person may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
out and tired when he returns from the office and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can work as the magic to remove his tiredness. A growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while commuting and this is quite effective to enjoy the time even on a busy road and amid of a tiresome journey. Rich lyrics can enhance our intellectual level and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
true that a person could
be judged
by the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listens
to.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a global language that connects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, protests unjust, inspires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and creates a unique form of entertainment which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
refreshing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
educational.

Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, itself, represents traditions and customs of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. Behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, there are history, story of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and even religious lessons.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with their cultural heritage,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
from ancestors.
Hence
, it plays the vital role and bears the indigenous practices and dignity of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Thus
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
preserve our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the history and life of our ancestors
as well
as what we
really
are. Despite that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. It can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
together and teach lessons that were unknown to a person. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and can suite with a person's choice.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the modern international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which can
be heard
in every part of the world. Youngsters should give their heart to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their cultural heritage alive.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 29

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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