Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.27

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 27
Music can be presented in several ways and variations that we can observe in the world these days. Many people consider music as part of their life and get motivation and inspiration from the music they listen to. However, some people argue on the significance of music in our life. Many others compare the importance of folk music and global music in term of people’s preference to listen. Furthermore, people tend to enjoy life better when they put music to listen to their daily activity. In my view, music can bring some advantages to improve people’s life and local music and international music has both advantages to our life. In every place, music and people are hard to be separated. They love music because it can revive stress and bad feeling that we usually have. Moreover, the rhythm of the music that is playing triggers our body to feel free and relax each moment. In addition, different varieties of music are available for everyone. For example, people can feel free listening to soft, classic and loud music based on their choices. Another issue of this essay is whether traditional music or popular world music has more importance. Traditional music has an important as an identity of a nation. Indeed, every citizen has to maintain this legacy for their generation. Nonetheless, global music is surely good to be heard regarding on people’s passion. In other words, none can be forced to stop listening to popular music because it is their right to choose any kinds of music that are suitable for them. Hence, every person has the choice to listen to many genres of music. It describes how music becomes so popular today. In fact, music just serves benefits depend on individuals’ preference about it. Folk or international music contributes to aid someone through their life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
can
be presented
in several ways and variations that we can observe in the world these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivation and inspiration from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue on the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
others compare the importance of folk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in term of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
preference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
better when they put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to their daily activity. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has both advantages to our life.

In every place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
be separated
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can revive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
feeling that we
usually
have.
Moreover
, the rhythm of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that is
playing triggers our body to feel free and relax each moment.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
varieties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are available for everyone.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can feel free listening to soft, classic and loud
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
based on their choices.

Another issue of this essay is whether traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or popular world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has more importance. Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as an identity of a nation.
Indeed
, every citizen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
maintain this legacy for their generation. Nonetheless, global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
be heard
regarding on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
passion.
In other words
, none can
be forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
listening to popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is their right to choose any kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that are suitable for them.

Hence
, every person has the choice to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
genres of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
serves benefits depend on individuals’ preference about it. Folk or international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
contributes to aid someone through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 27

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts