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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.26

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 26
In recent years, the world has seen many kinds of music and the broad category of music are mainly international and traditional music. Music has diversified functions for every region in the world. Why we do need music? Because music can inspire us, represents our emotion and can remedy our wounds. In my opinion, the traditional music has more significance than the International music which people listen to everywhere in this era. Traditional music has far greater functions and obvious roles than the international music. I will explain some reasons for my belief in the following paragraphs. First, the traditional music has become the important part in many cultural ceremonies, such as wedding and death ceremony. For example, in a wedding ceremony, we need traditional music when a couple each other. Without music, this ceremony will not be complete. Secondly, nowadays we still use traditional music as a medium for communication and praising God or other people. For instance, sometimes we use music to praise our creator. Thirdly, every country or region has a distinguished genre for identity. Music also has the aim to differentiate a country or a region from others. For example, Indonesia has dangdut and keroncong music and these music have become Indonesian cultural identity. In addition, we need traditional music to accompany traditional dancing. In Indonesia, we have a lot of traditional dancing and each dancing has music to escort to manage every motion. For example, traditional music which accompanies jejer dance is different from candra dewi dance, because the music has to be suitable with every motion in each dance. Although nowadays people often listen to international music, but it does not mean that this music has more important functions than the traditional music, while international music is mostly used by people for entertain purposes traditional music represents our identity and culture.
In recent years, the world has
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seen
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many
kinds of
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music
and the broad category of
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music
are
mainly
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international
and
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traditional
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music
.
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Music
has diversified functions for every region in the world. Why we do need
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music
?
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Because
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music
can inspire us, represents our emotion and can remedy our wounds. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has more significance than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
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music
which
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people
listen to everywhere in this era.
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Traditional
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music
has far greater functions and obvious roles than the
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international
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music
. I will
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explain
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some
reasons for my belief in the following paragraphs.

First
, the
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traditional
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music
has become the
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important
part in
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many
cultural
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ceremonies
, such as wedding and death
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ceremony
.
For example
, in a wedding
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ceremony
, we need
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traditional
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music
when a couple each other. Without
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music
, this
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ceremony
will not be complete.
Secondly
, nowadays we
still
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use
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traditional
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music
as a medium for communication and praising God or other
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people
.
For instance
,
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sometimes
we
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use
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music
to praise our creator.
Thirdly
, every country or region has a distinguished genre for identity.
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Music
also
has the aim to differentiate a country or a region from others.
For example
, Indonesia has
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dangdut
and
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keroncong
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music
and these
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music
have become Indonesian cultural identity.

In addition
, we need
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traditional
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music
to accompany
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traditional
dancing. In Indonesia, we have
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a lot of
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traditional
dancing and each dancing has
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music
to escort to manage every motion.
For example
,
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traditional
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music
which accompanies
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jejer
dance is
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different
from
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candra
Possible spelling mistake found.
dewi
dance,
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because
the
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music
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has to
be suitable with every motion in each dance.

Although nowadays
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people
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often
listen to
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international
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music
,
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but
it does not mean that this
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music
has more
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important
functions than the
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traditional
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music
, while
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international
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music
is
mostly
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used
by
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people
for entertain purposes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
represents our identity and culture.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 26

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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