Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.25

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 25
Each country has its own unique music style. For instance, Opera and Jazz music are famous in western countries and on the other hand, India and Spain are famous for classical music style for salsa dancing. Globally information technology has made tremendous progress. Information technology has invented numerous sophisticated devices to play music anywhere anytime. People tend to listen to music depending on their mood. They tend to listen to sad music if they feel down or sad. It has become a popular trend to listen to music while doing Yoga or doing exercise in the gymnasium. Listening music while doing sports activities can boost energy level and brings the passion of sports in mind. Music is kind of daily activity nowadays and is considered as the food of souls according to many people. Furthermore, some students play music while solving math equations. According to students, math is only the subject which can be studied while playing music. On the other hand, for example in the huge shopping centres, the background music is played 24/7. Because people love shopping and walking in the malls. However, the traditional music of any country is very important and plays a vital role. For instance, traditional music expresses that what we belong to and what is our culture. A country is judged by its heritage and traditional music. If a country is rich of traditional music then it is possible that it can be popular around the world.   But nowadays, young children are addicted to listening international music. They are not even aware of their culture and traditional music. New generation is following the Western music style. It is the responsibility of parents to give them the knowledge of their traditional music. In the conclusion, actually, everyone has a perception of listening to his/her favourite music. But in most countries, people avoid taking interest in traditional music. Therefore, most of the countries are losing the value of their culture and traditional music. At last, the main responsibility of parents is to aware children to listen and introduce traditional music to the world.
Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
style.
For instance
, Opera and Jazz
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
on the other hand
, India and Spain are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
style for salsa dancing.

Globally information technology has made tremendous progress. Information technology has invented numerous sophisticated devices to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
anywhere anytime.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
depending on their mood. They tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to sad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
if they feel down or sad. It has become a popular trend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while doing Yoga or doing exercise in the gymnasium.

Listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while doing sports activities can boost energy level and brings the passion of sports in mind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is kind of daily activity nowadays and
is considered
as the food of souls according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while solving math equations. According to students, math is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the subject which can
be studied
while playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
On the other hand
,
for example
in the huge shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, the background
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is played
24/7.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
shopping and walking in the malls.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and plays a vital role.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
expresses that what we belong to and what is our culture. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is judged
by its heritage and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is rich of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
then it is possible that it can be popular around the world.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays, young children
are addicted
to listening international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. They are not even aware of their culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. New generation is following the Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
style. It is the responsibility of parents to give them the knowledge of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
music.

In the conclusion, actually, everyone has a perception of listening to his/her
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
avoid taking interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Therefore
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are losing the value of their culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. At last, the main responsibility of parents is to aware children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
and introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to the world.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 25

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
349 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts