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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.24

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 24
Globalisation and information technologies made wonderful changes in music. Most of the music are internationally famous even if it in a particular language. There are strong reasons behind the importance of traditional music and modern music. However, I believe that country music is more important for everyone than the world music because it shows culture and dignity of each country. Firstly, music has a vital role in everyone’s life. Some people hear the music for their happiness but for others in their sorrows because some kinds of songs have a psychological impact and it can change their mood. Secondly in many vocations like marriage, festivals and cultural programs music have an inevitable part.   For example: in some regions of India having a culture of using songs for their funeral.   Not only that, new research has shown that music has a curing effect for some kind of physical and mental illness. When thinking about the values of traditional and international music, country music is used for most of the cultural activities and festivals but international music used only in some occasions like club functions and parties. Traditional music shows the cultures, meaning and value a society or country. In the same way, it shows the history of the people. Most of the music is meaningful. For instances, some festivals in India, like Onam, Deepavali, having its own songs. People use these songs only in this occasions. In view of international music, it can use only for happiness. Most of the songs are fast track music. It is using in birthday parties and disco clubs. People do not even think about its words or meaning. They dance according to the beats of songs. To conclude, music has its own value. Songs are measured according to its importance. Even people are living in abroad they will not forget their own traditional music because it shows their culture and believes. So, in my opinion, traditional music is more important than global music.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Globalisation' is British English.
Globalisation
and information technologies made wonderful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are
internationally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
even if it in a particular language. There are strong reasons behind the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
However
, I believe that country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone than the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and dignity of each country.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a vital role in everyone’s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hear the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for their happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for others in their sorrows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of songs have a psychological impact and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their mood.
Secondly
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vocations like marriage, festivals and cultural programs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have an inevitable part.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
For example
: in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions of India having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of using songs for their funeral.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
that, new research has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a curing effect for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of physical and mental illness.

When thinking about the values of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for most of the cultural activities and festivals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions like club functions and parties.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, meaning and value a society or country.
In the same way
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
the history of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is meaningful. For instances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
festivals in India, like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Onam
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Deepavali
, having its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
songs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these songs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
in
Did you mean "these"?
this
occasions.

In view of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
for happiness. Most of the songs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. It is using in birthday parties and disco clubs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about its words or meaning. They dance according to the beats of songs.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
value. Songs
are measured
according to its importance. Even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living in abroad they will not forget their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and believes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 24

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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