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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.14

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 14
There has been an Increasing number of new genres of music in the last decades. Music is a vital part of the human culture for a range of reasons, and I would argue that traditional music is more important than international type. There are two main reasons why we need music. First, music has been a vital part of our history. In this way, since ancient cultures the man has felt the necessity to express, through songs and sounds, ideas, feelings and beliefs, which has helped us to understand more about their lifestyle. Indeed, is a way of communication that remains for the eternity. Furthermore, as a society we use music to relax and entertain us. With the day-to-day activities and the stressful environment of modern life, music has become a way to disconnect and enjoy a moment of leisure. In fact, it can be even said that music is a piece of our human nature. In my opinion, I believe that traditional music should be valued over the international one. Modern songs have become so popular, its catchy and fun rhythms are attractive, especially among the young people, but it is essentially a commercial product that is marketed and sold with business purposes. In contrast to traditional legacy, which expresses culture, customs and histories through their lyrics and sounds. For example, Huayno, which is a typical music of Peru, connect us with the past teaching us about our ancestors something that industrialized music cannot do. Traditional music has to be preserved as a heritage of our history. By way of conclusion, music is a necessary part of human existence, and I believe that traditional music is more transcendental than modern music.
There has been an Increasing number of new genres of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in the last decades.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a vital part of the human culture for a range of reasons, and I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than international type.

There are two main reasons why we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has been a vital part of our history. In this way, since ancient cultures the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has felt the necessity to express, through songs and sounds,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, feelings and beliefs, which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us to understand more about their lifestyle.
Indeed
, is a way of communication that remains for the eternity.
Furthermore
, as a society we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to relax and entertain us. With the day-to-day activities and the stressful environment of modern life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has become a way to disconnect and enjoy a moment of leisure. In fact, it can be even said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a piece of our human nature.

In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should
be valued
over the international one. Modern songs have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular, its catchy and fun rhythms are attractive,
especially
among the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
essentially
a commercial product that
is marketed
and sold with business purposes.
In contrast
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
legacy, which expresses culture, customs and histories through their lyrics and sounds.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Huayno
, which is a typical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of Peru, connect us with the past teaching us about our ancestors something that industrialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
cannot do.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be preserved
as a heritage of our history.

By way of conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a necessary part of human existence, and I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more transcendental than modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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