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There are different types of music in world today. Why do we need music? Is traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.1

There are different types of music in world today. Why do we need music? Is traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 1
Nowadays, with the increase of cities and urbanization, a lot of people have flocked to cities in order to find better careers and educational opportunities. However, some people fear that city life may contain some difficulties that we can't know. This essay will explain some difficulties people have to face in the cities as well as some solutions which can be taken to improve the urban life. To begin with, there are many challenges that anyone when coming to cities has to deal with. The main problem for someone who hopes to migrate to a large city is that the cost of living in the cities is more expensive than in the countryside or small town. In the cities, people have to spend more money on public transportation, education, health care, or even food. Another issue is the environmental pollution. Big cities in the world with modern industries tend to suffer more from air pollution, water pollution than in the rural areas, so our health may be affected negatively. Exhaust fumes from vehicles and factories make atmosphere become heavy polluted. There are also more serious problem like traffic congestion and some people do not manage work that can lead to commit crime. Furthermore, there is a lack of sense of community in big cities, people do not even know their neighbors. Life in cities can be stressful and individuals do not have much time for themselves and their families, as a result the gap between family members is on the increase. To overcome the increasing this problem, the government should start some active measures. Firstly, the government should focus on economic development in surrounding areas, especially in rural areas by setting industrial zones and factories at here. This will create many works for people. Stable jobs will make their life turn better, and they needn’t to travel to cities for finding a new life. In addition, governments should encourage people to go on foot and use public transportation in order to reduce the amount of carbon dioxide which is emitted from private cars, motorbikes. Moreover, everyone is aware of not throwing rubbish latterly and keep the environment around clean. In conclusion, living in cities brings us both beneficial and harmful so governments also conduct some strategies and solution to control the concern immediately.
Nowadays, with the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and urbanization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have flocked to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in order to find better careers and educational opportunities.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fear that city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
may contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties that we can't know. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions which can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the urban life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges that anyone when coming to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
deal with. The main problem for someone who hopes to migrate to a large city is that the cost of living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is more expensive than in the countryside or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more money on public transportation, education, health care, or even food. Another issue is the environmental pollution.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in the world with modern industries tend to suffer more from air pollution, water pollution than in the rural areas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
our health may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
negatively
. Exhaust fumes from vehicles and factories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
atmosphere become heavy polluted. There are
also
more serious problem like traffic congestion and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not manage work that can lead to commit crime.
Furthermore
, there is a lack of sense of community in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not even know their neighbors.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can be stressful and individuals do not have much time for themselves and their families,
as a result
the gap between family members is on the increase.

To overcome the increasing this problem, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
active measures.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on economic development in surrounding areas,
especially
in rural areas by setting industrial zones and factories at here. This will create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
works for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Stable jobs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
turn better, and they needn’t
Did you mean "travel"?
to travel
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for finding a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go on foot and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transportation in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of carbon dioxide which
is emitted
from private cars, motorbikes.
Moreover
, everyone is aware of not throwing rubbish
latterly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the environment around clean.

In conclusion
, living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
brings us both beneficial and harmful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
also
conduct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strategies and solution to control the concern immediately.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay There are different types of music in world today. Why do we need music? Is traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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