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The world's most urgent problem is caused by over over population. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many people believe that most of the issues that demand urgent attention is due to over population. As it decreases the rate of employment and increase the migrants to another countries. Therefore, I strongly agree with this notion. First, the urgent problem which is caused by over population is rise in unemployment. When there will be more people in a country than the availabilities of jobs, it would not be possible to give jobs to everyone. Consequently, it will increase the unemployment in a country. For instance, India is the second most populated country and the vacancies for jobs is immensely less compared to people. Therefore, Countries with higher population decreases the employment opportunities for all. Secondly, the issue which demand great attention is the immigration of people to developed countries. It means, the people are migrating to the developed countries like the USA, Canada to settle over there permanently due to their country crowd, where they can enjoy the best facilities of medical, education and employment. Canada is the best example, where people are moving from a plethora of countries like India, Pakistan which is overcrowded. Consequently, moving and settling to a developed country, eventually increase the population of that country. In conclusion, I completely agree with the statement as major problems are occurring in world due to the increasing number of people in a country making it over populated.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that most of the issues that demand urgent attention is due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. As it decreases the rate of employment and increase the migrants to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Therefore
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion.

First
, the urgent problem which
is caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is rise in unemployment. When there will be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
than the availabilities of jobs, it would not be possible to give jobs to everyone.
Consequently
, it will increase the unemployment in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, India is the second most populated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the vacancies for jobs is
immensely
less compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
with higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
decreases the employment opportunities for all.

Secondly
, the issue which demand great attention is the immigration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. It means, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are migrating to the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like the USA, Canada to settle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
there
permanently
due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
crowd, where they can enjoy the best facilities of medical, education and employment. Canada is the best example, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving from a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like India, Pakistan which
is overcrowded
.
Consequently
, moving and settling to a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
eventually
increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of that country.

In conclusion
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement as major problems are occurring in world due to the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
making it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
populated.
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IELTS essay The world's most urgent problem is caused by over over population.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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