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the statement about public matters by celebrities

the statement about public matters by celebrities 0EopB
There has been widespread public debate over sharing opinions by popular actor and actress and celebrities in terms of public issues which is not their difficulty. Although I agree that it might have a negative points, I tend to believe that the statement about public problems by them is a positive development. Regarding positive points, initially governments and officials would be affected by the issues raised by celebrities. This way authorities prefer to solve the problem as soon as possible since they recognize the given situation after this. In other words, as the majority of public follow famous people, this discussion over public matters can lead society to anger against the government. Therefore, the matter will be more significant if a celebrity expresses it. Further, it is a relief for individuals, since they are convinced that someone who live in welth can realize the public difficulties. As a well-known example, changes in economic condition will result in rising in basic necessities' expenses that leads to an increase in violence among people. When celebrities convict this circumstance, the public is found that it is a valuable action in their favor. Therefore people's irritation reduce. However this also has few downsides like the belief of some individuals that the action of famous people is just for themselves. They think, celebrities when defend something that contributes to their popularity. Thus, several of them don't trust what popular actors or actresses state about public matters. In conclusion, despite the drawbacks associated with the statement by film stars refer to the public issues, I consider the shift towards it to be beneficial on the whole.
There has been widespread
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
debate over sharing opinions by popular actor and actress and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
issues which is not their difficulty. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it might have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points, I tend to believe that the statement about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
problems by them is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

Regarding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points,
initially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and officials would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the issues raised by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. This way authorities prefer to solve the problem as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible since they recognize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
situation after this.
In other words
, as the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, this discussion over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
matters can lead society to anger against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Therefore
, the matter will be more significant if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
expresses it.
Further
, it is a relief for individuals, since they
are convinced
that someone who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
welth
can realize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
difficulties. As a well-known example,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in economic condition will result in rising in
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
' expenses that leads to an increase in violence among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
convict this circumstance, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
is found
that it is a valuable action in their favor.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's irritation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
this
also
has few downsides like the belief of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that the action of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for themselves. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
when defend something that contributes to their popularity.
Thus
, several of them don't trust what popular actors or actresses state about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
matters.

In conclusion
, despite the drawbacks associated with the statement by film stars refer to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
issues, I consider the shift towards it to be beneficial
on the whole
.
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IELTS essay the statement about public matters by celebrities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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