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The problem of obesity is becoming a serious issue all over the world. Some people argue that price of fattening foods should be increases to reduce the growth of this problem. Do you agree/ disagree?

Obesity is indeed a serious issue throughout the world. In the modern era, a man has no time for himself as he is busy in personal or professional chores. So, he is relying on the food which are readily available, fattening foods are also amongst them. That is why some individual claim increasing the price of fattening foods would affect the consumers and eventually they will end up buying affordable foods only. Whereas, others opine that increasing the food prices does not affect the consumers but it would affect the country’s economy. I staunchly disagree with the aforementioned rubric due to some notable reasons. I would like to present my views by diving deeper into the topic before deducing areasonable conclusion. To begin with, there are many reasons to support my viewpoint, but the most conspicuous lies in the fact that, Obesity could be inherited in the family and that does not explain the consumption of fat foods would cause the obesity. Secondly, people are not mindful enough to read the nutrition facts on their food packages, however, nowadays all the food packages are labelled with the nutritional facts. Last but not the least, people are becoming more sluggish because of their stress and not doing any physical activities and not maintaining the balanced diet. Another pivotal aspect of this argument is that, firstly increasing the price of food items cannot be a solution to reduce the growth of obesity issue, besides, it would lead the country to an another recession. Secondly, fast food industries are backing up the country’s economy by creating more jobs. nowadays. Moreover, in this modern era people can always seek for medical assistance to reduce the obesity. To encapsulate, the foregoing discussion propounds the fattening foods has both positive and negative aspects but I believe my views has shown more significance to me.
Obesity is
indeed
a serious issue throughout the world. In the modern era, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has no time for himself as he is busy in personal or professional chores.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, he is relying on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which are
readily
available, fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
also
amongst them.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individual claim increasing the price of fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
would affect the consumers and
eventually
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up buying affordable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Whereas, others opine that increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
prices does not affect the consumers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would affect the country’s economy. I
staunchly
disagree with the aforementioned rubric due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notable reasons. I would like to present my views by diving deeper into the topic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deducing
Possible spelling mistake found.
areasonable
conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to support my viewpoint,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
conspicuous
lies in the fact that, Obesity could
be inherited
in the family and that does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the consumption of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
would cause the obesity.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not mindful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to read the nutrition facts on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
packages,
however
, nowadays all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
packages
are labelled
with the nutritional facts. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming more sluggish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and not doing any physical activities and not maintaining the balanced diet.

Another pivotal aspect of this argument is that,
firstly
increasing the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items cannot be a solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the growth of obesity issue,
besides
, it would

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lead
the country to
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a recession" or "another recession".
an another recession
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industries are backing up the country’s economy by creating more jobs.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
nowadays
.
Moreover
, in this

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
modern
era
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can always seek for medical assistance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the obesity.

To encapsulate, the foregoing discussion propounds the fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe my views has shown more significance to me.
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IELTS essay The problem of obesity is becoming a serious issue all over the world. Some people argue that price of fattening foods should be increases to reduce the growth of this problem. Do you agree/ disagree?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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