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The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Many giant web business establishment possess personal data collected from millions of their users globally. I believe it to be extremely beneficial not only in terms of save personal data but also in terms of time saving. This essay will explore how these two advantages have the potential to undermine any drawbacks. Firstly, Life is become more convenient if different companies manage our data on behalf of us. For instance, Google kept our personal information with us in case of lost mobile deceive any user can easily recovered their personal data from it to just follow few steps. Thus, this huge benefit has the potential to outshine any flaw with online shopping. Secondly, these companies themselves would argue their intentions are for providing better services. This related first of all for advertising. To cite an example Facebook tracks user behavior and allow advertisers to target their segment market according to user interest. Which helps user to watch only those things in which they are interested. Hence, this is beneficial for time saving purpose. Therefore, we did not have to put our information again and again. However, the only minor drawback that I can relate with this is many individuals have concerns about their privacy. Although, recently WhatsApp clearly given message to their users that your chat and data is end to end encrypted but this privacy issue is extremely rare and elusive and can be compensated if we are using authentic applications or websites. To sum up, it can be concluded that the benefits of provide personal information access to companies especially in terms of saving time and facilitating us to unfear about loss of data can easily overshadow the minor drawback related to the privacy concerns.
Possible agreement error. The noun web seems to be countable; consider using: “Many giant webs”.
Many giant web
business establishment possess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
collected from millions of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
globally. I believe it to be
extremely
beneficial not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in terms of save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in terms of time saving. This essay will explore how these two advantages have the potential to undermine any drawbacks.

Firstly
, Life
is become
more convenient if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
manage our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
on behalf of us.
For instance
, Google
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information with us in case of lost mobile deceive any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
can
easily
The modal verb ‘can’ requires the verb’s base form.
recovered
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
from it to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
follow few steps.
Thus
, this huge benefit has the potential to outshine any flaw with online shopping.

Secondly
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
themselves would argue their intentions are for providing better services. This related
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
first of all
for advertising. To cite an example Facebook
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
behavior and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
advertisers to target their segment market according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
interest.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those things in which they
are interested
.
Hence
, this is beneficial for time saving purpose.
Therefore
, we did not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put our information again and again.

However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
minor drawback that I can relate with this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals have concerns about their privacy. Although, recently WhatsApp
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
message to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
that your chat and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
encrypted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this privacy issue is
extremely
rare and elusive and can
be compensated
if we are using authentic applications or websites.

To sum up, it can
be concluded
that the benefits of provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information access to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
especially
in terms of saving time and facilitating us to
Possible spelling mistake found.
unfear
about loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
can
easily
overshadow the minor drawback related to the privacy concerns.
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IELTS essay The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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