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The major cities are growing continously and there are problems . What problem does it cause to young people living in these cities ? What are the solutions ?

The major cities are growing continously and there are problems. What problem does it cause to young people living in these cities? What are the solutions? 70XWy
Some people believe that the cities are more improvement the more issues will occur to teenage people is a cause of widespread concern today. In this essay, I will propose the problems that cause by this concern and the solutions had this. First of all, the improvement of city leads to the situation that teenage will forget the present life of them and just focus to the invisible things. For example, the enhance of technology make teenage being addicted to this and forget their life. They spend a lot of time for the Internet and forget their responsibilities like homework, deadline or their family. Secondly, city growing will cause the higher of in sensitivity in teenage compare to previous time. In particular, when city grow up faster, lifestyle also have the same wend. This makes teenage do not feel sympathy with others, they just focus on themselves and forget that everyone also need the help from them. For a long time, this will lead the situation that will teenage become gradually keep a distance to society. Finally, teenage grow faster than before because the over improvement of city. For example, they contact to the technology earliest so some traditional games that suitable to their ages will disappear, and this cause a situation that they will loose their purity. Turning to possible problems, from my point of view some solutions that can solve this. Firstly, the adults need to avoid their child to contact to technology two much. Technology is the facts can make teenage be affected a lot. Secondly, the adults need to spend more time to play with their child instead of addicting to the smart device. Finally, the parents also let their children participate in outdoor activities to integrate and improve. In conclusion, the backgrounds that situation cause are two much but we con solve this by suitable solutions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are more improvement the more issues will occur to teenage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of widespread concern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. In this essay, I will propose the problems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
by this concern and the solutions had this.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the improvement of city leads to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
that teenage will forget the present life of them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus to the invisible things.
For example
,
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'enhance' is correct. If 'enhance' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the enhance
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
teenage
being addicted
to this and forget their life. They spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the Internet and forget their responsibilities like homework, deadline or their family.
Secondly
, city growing will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
the
Use "highest" if you mean to express an extreme with this adjective.
higher
of in sensitivity in teenage compare to previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
In particular
, when city grow up faster, lifestyle
also
have the same wend. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
teenage do not feel sympathy with others, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus on themselves and forget that everyone
also
need the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from them. For a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, this will lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
that will teenage become
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a distance to society.
Finally
, teenage grow faster than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the over improvement of city.
For example
, they contact to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
A determiner is probably missing here: "the earliest".
earliest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditional games that suitable to their ages will disappear, and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
that they will
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their purity. Turning to possible problems, from my point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions that can solve this.
Firstly
, the adults need to avoid their child to contact to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
Did you mean "too"?
two
much.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
is the facts can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
teenage be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
a lot.
Secondly
, the adults need to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play with their child
instead
of addicting to the smart device.
Finally
, the parents
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their children participate in outdoor activities to integrate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
In conclusion
, the backgrounds that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
are
Did you mean "too"?
two
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we con solve this by suitable solutions.
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IELTS essay The major cities are growing continously and there are problems. What problem does it cause to young people living in these cities? What are the solutions?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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