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The line graph below shows the consumption of 4 different kinds of meat in a European country from 1979 to 2004 v.1

The line graph below shows the consumption of 4 different kinds of meat in a European country from 1979 to 2004 v. 1
There is no denying that scientific research is indispensable for the development of the country. Some individuals opine that any research related to science and technology should be controlled by the government, while others contend that the responsibility of research should be given to private commercial companies. Notwithstanding, this discourse will explore these two viewpoints and subsequently put forward my own perspective accordingly. Admittedly, the advocates of the view of taking authority of any kind of scientific research by the government have their own justification. The rationale behind their argument might be that the government can invest in research and development to enhance the life of the residents. This is because the government is accountable to the public, and research is paid by the taxes. Moreover, knowledge acquired through research is not always targeted for the general audience. Therefore, the government can control the flow of information, also. However, taking a look at it from the flip side, could the contenders of the school of thought that postulate that private companies should be given the control of research be absolutely right? Certainly, the justification for their argument is much likely that these companies have more financial and operational sources than the government to develop various technologies and vaccines. Not only do these companies provide a better future for the people, but they also help the economy to boost in terms of technology and education. According to a survey by BBC UK, to epitomize, private companies invest fifty percent of profits into research and development. In conclusion, having explored both sides of the arguments, I consent to the hilt that the government should have the primary responsibility in controlling and monitoring of scientific research. Also, vigorous checks and balances need to be in place to ensure future research is ethical and productive.
There is no denying that scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is indispensable for the development of the country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals opine that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
related to science and technology should
be controlled
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, while others contend that the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to private commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. Notwithstanding, this discourse will explore these two viewpoints and
subsequently
put forward my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective
accordingly
.

Admittedly
, the advocates of the view of taking authority of any kind of scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
justification. The rationale behind their argument might be that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and development to enhance the life of the residents. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is accountable to the public, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is paid
by the taxes.
Moreover
, knowledge acquired through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is not always targeted for the general audience.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can control the flow of information,
also
.

However
, taking a look at it from the flip side, could the contenders of the school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that postulate that private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
be
absolutely
right?
Certainly
, the justification for their argument is much likely that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have more financial and operational sources than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to develop various technologies and vaccines. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
provide a better future for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the economy to boost in terms of technology and education. According to a survey by BBC UK, to epitomize, private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
invest fifty percent of profits into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and development.

In conclusion
, having explored both sides of the arguments, I consent to the hilt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should have the primary responsibility in controlling and monitoring of scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
Also
, vigorous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
and balances need to be in place to ensure future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is ethical and productive.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The line graph below shows the consumption of 4 different kinds of meat in a European country from 1979 to 2004 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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