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The leisure industry is growing rapidly.The active role of modern technology in people's leisure lives nowadays has made them less creative.Do you agree or disagree.

The leisure industry is growing rapidly. The active role of modern technology in people's leisure lives nowadays has made them less creative. kwX2
It is unequivocal fact that technology has exerted huge impacts on individuals' leisure lives. while some minority groups refute the favourable aspects, I subscribe to the optimistic perception. I will highlight the points which support the viewpoints in looming paragraphs. First and foremost, people are becoming more creative by applying technology in a leisure aspect like cinema. The famous movie named ' Avtar' is designed by software graphics. Technology played a vital role in this movie. Moreover, children are getting familiar with graphic design as they are now starting to create cartoons and video games through coding. Furthermore, in the medieval period, juvenile spent their spare time by playing sports. But now they are thinking differently and always try to do better than others whether it is in study or school competitions. In term of old people, they utilised their time by setting in groups or playing cards and cracking jokes. currently, they prefer to spend their time with family by exploring adorable destinations. Advancement in technology ameliorates the living standard of human beings. Masses are engaging in online occupation rather than sitting idle. I would like to reiterate that this is a false perception that technology is responsible for the less creative mind. However, technology alter the way of living
It is unequivocal fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has exerted huge impacts on individuals' leisure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minority groups refute the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
aspects, I subscribe to the optimistic perception. I will highlight the points which support the viewpoints in looming paragraphs.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming more creative by applying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in a leisure aspect like cinema. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
movie named
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
Possible spelling mistake found.
Avtar
'
is designed
by software graphics.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
played a vital role in this movie.
Moreover
, children are getting familiar with graphic design as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
starting to create cartoons and video games through coding.
Furthermore
, in the medieval period, juvenile spent their spare time by playing sports.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they are thinking
differently
and always try to do better than others whether it is in study or school competitions. In term of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, they
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
their time by setting in groups or playing cards and cracking jokes.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
currently
, they prefer to spend their time with family by exploring adorable destinations. Advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
ameliorates the living standard of human beings. Masses are engaging in online occupation
rather
than sitting idle. I would like to reiterate that this is a false perception that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is responsible for the less creative mind.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
alter the way of living
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IELTS essay The leisure industry is growing rapidly. The active role of modern technology in people's leisure lives nowadays has made them less creative.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
210 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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