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The land for parks is wasted and should be used for other purposes. Do you agree or disagree?

The land for parks is wasted and should be used for other purposes. QPmP
Parks are a feature of many, if not most, urban settings. However, there is an argument that the land used for parks in towns and cities should be used for alternative purposes. I strongly disagree with this idea. Firstly, experts agree that the best way to restore body and mind is to spend time in nature, and do regular physical exercise there. This is crucial because the majority of the population in many countries live in cities. As society becomes more centered on city life, people tend to become sedentary and stay indoors. Recent studies have also shown that spending long periods of time in built-up areas results in emotional fatigue and poor concentration. On the other hand, time spent in parks has the opposite effects. For example, the British report a high level of satisfaction when they spend most of their holidays outdoors in their National Trust parks. Perhaps the rest of the world should follow their lead. Moreover, teenagers are the most negatively affected by the city life. Some parents are reluctant to let their children play freely in town, concerned about their health and safety, and so those youngsters miss out on being out in the natural environment and have no chance to do regular physical activities. That leads to an increased risk of childhood obesity and depression, hence the pressing need for municipal parks. On top of this, parks provide essential green space in the city and help keep the level of pollutants and greenhouse gases down. Those gases emitted by vehicles are responsible for thousands of deaths per year as well as for the rising incidence of lung cancer in children. However, the vegetation in the parks removes pollutants while the leaves filter the carbon dioxide and release oxygen. Thus, city parks function as a green lung in urban areas which helps keep us healthy. In summary, although some argue that the land for parks in urban areas is wasted, the benefits that parks have been contributing to our societies are undeniable, so obviously I do not support the idea of using that land for other purposes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parks
are a feature of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, if not most, urban settings.
However
, there is an argument that the land
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
in towns and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for alternative purposes. I
strongly
disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Firstly
, experts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the best way to restore body and mind is to spend time in nature, and do regular physical exercise there. This is crucial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the majority of the population in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. As society becomes more centered on city life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to become sedentary and stay indoors. Recent studies have
also
shown that spending long periods of time in built-up areas results in emotional fatigue and poor concentration.
On the other hand
, time spent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
has the opposite effects.
For example
, the British report a high level of satisfaction when they spend most of their holidays outdoors in their National Trust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
. Perhaps the rest of the world should follow their lead.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are the most
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the city life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents are reluctant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their children play
freely
in town, concerned about their health and safety, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
those youngsters miss out on being out in the natural environment and have no chance to do regular physical activities. That leads to an increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of childhood obesity and depression,
hence
the pressing need for municipal parks.

On top of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
provide essential green space in the city and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the level of pollutants and greenhouse gases down. Those gases emitted by vehicles are responsible for thousands of deaths per year
as well
as for the rising incidence of lung cancer in children.
However
, the vegetation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
removes pollutants while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
filter the carbon dioxide and release oxygen.
Thus
, city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
function as a green lung in urban areas which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us healthy.

In summary, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that the land for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
in urban areas
is wasted
, the benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
have been contributing to our societies are undeniable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
obviously
I do not support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of using that land for other purposes.
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IELTS essay The land for parks is wasted and should be used for other purposes.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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