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The increasing use of modern drug technology encourages the treatment of symptoms instead of treating the causes. To what extend do you agree or disagree with the statement?

The increasing use of modern drug technology encourages the treatment of symptoms instead of treating the causes. with the statement? nr0R
Nowadays, people are all familiar with modern medicine used to treat ailments. Recently, there is an argument that people are using more and more modern drug technology as a cure for symptoms rather than treating the illness causes. I absolutely agree with this statement and believe that this situation has come about for several reasons. To begin with, modern drugs have high effectiveness against symptoms, and those drugs are made with high-technology to reduce the side effects. As a result, people usually visit a doctor to have a list of prescripted medicines whenever they get sick and pay no attention to the causes of their sicknesses. Secondly, illnesses often come from a problematic lifestyle that could be unhealthy eating habits or unbalanced daily routine activities. Using medicine as a short-term cure is much easier than changing habits for a long-term benefit. There is also an increase in the amount of medicine produced and advertised due to the business strategy of many pharmaceutical companies. This phenomenon has indirectly bumped up drugs consumption, as the price of medicines are more affordable and drugs are more easily accessible. People are unlikely to notice the need for considering illness causes while the illness itself could be treated conveniently by using medicine. It is often argued that medicine is necessary to treat both the symptoms and the causes of illness. While there is some truth to this claim, there are further points to take into consideration regarding the number of ailments that could be treated permanently by using drugs. Statistics have shown that most of the illnesses recorded in hospital are chronic such as type-2 diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease, all of which can be prevented by having a healthy routine. This is prime evidence proving that increase the use of medicine might not be the proper solution for some cases. In conclusion, although medicine is effective while treating symptoms, people are using an excessive amount of medicine and push aside the causes of their ailments. In my opinion, treatment without prevention is simply unsustainable, that is to say, people should mind about the reason why they ill beforehand.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are all familiar with modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to treat ailments. Recently, there is an argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using more and more modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
technology as a cure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
symptoms
rather
than treating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
. I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and believe that this situation has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
about for several reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
have high effectiveness against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
symptoms
, and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
are made
with high-technology to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the side effects.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
visit a doctor to have a list of
Possible spelling mistake found.
prescripted
medicines whenever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick and pay no attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of their sicknesses.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from a problematic lifestyle that could be unhealthy eating habits or unbalanced daily routine activities. Using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
as a short-term cure is much easier than changing habits for a long-term benefit.

There is
also
an increase in the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
produced and advertised due to the business strategy of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pharmaceutical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. This phenomenon has
indirectly
bumped up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
consumption, as the price of medicines are more affordable and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
are more
easily
accessible.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are unlikely to notice the need for considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
itself could
be treated
conveniently
by using medicine.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is necessary to treat both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
symptoms
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
. While there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
truth to this claim, there are
further
points to take into consideration regarding the number of ailments that could
be treated
permanently
by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. Statistics have shown that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
recorded in hospital are chronic such as type-2 diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease, all of which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by having a healthy routine. This is prime evidence proving that increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
might not be the proper solution for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is effective while treating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
symptoms
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using an excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and push aside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of their ailments. In my opinion, treatment without prevention is
simply
unsustainable,
that is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should mind about the reason why they
Did you mean "will beforehand" or is a hyphen missing "ill-beforehand" (e.g., ill-treated, ill-advised)?
ill beforehand
.
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IELTS essay The increasing use of modern drug technology encourages the treatment of symptoms instead of treating the causes. with the statement?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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