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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved some people think that the best way to deal with this is problem is to introduce more physical education lesson in the school curriculum . To what extend do you agree or disagree.

Now a day’s people are gaining their weight due to which it is challenging the health care system, while some people think that these problems is solved by giving education about physical exercise like sport to the children in school level. I partially agree in this statement, that providing sport education is best way but there are also other way to get rides of it like introducing healthy food. Firstly, to tackle the problem like over weight is physical exercise by doing playing sports. If the small children in their school level were teach about different types of sports game like football, volleyball, cricket, athletics and so on then by playing games they maintains their body fit. For an example, few research show that those person who are involved in sports remain healthier then person who don’t play sports. With this, by introducing more sports classes in curriculum activities undoubtedly it keeps student active and fitter. On other hand, education about physical exercises not only able to keep unhealthy. To keep us healthy we have to aware about our daily food that we eat, Healthy food is very essential factor to keep fit and healthy. Moreover, if the children are given information about effects of unhealthy foods like oily food, fast food, junk food etc then they will not take it. For an instance, those people who do eat fast food are finding to be more suffering from disease. However, parent plays vital role in the matters of food because children spent more time with them and they learn the things what they teach them. In conclusion, although physical exercise is very important to keep healthy, beside this food concern is also major part to keep oneself fit and active.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are gaining their weight due to which it is challenging the health care system, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these problems
is solved
by giving education about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in school level. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
in this statement, that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
education
A determiner is probably missing here: “is the best”.
is best
way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
other way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rides of it like introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food.

Firstly
, to tackle the problem like over weight is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
by doing playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. If the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their school level
Did you mean “where” or “we”?
were
Consider using either the past participle “taught” or the present participle “teaching” here.
teach
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
game like football, volleyball, cricket, athletics and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on then by playing games they
The pronoun ‘they’ must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: “maintain”
maintains
their body fit. For an example,
Possible agreement error. The noun research seems to be uncountable; consider using: “little research”.
few research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
‘Those’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘person’. Did you mean “this person” or “those people”, “those persons”?
those person
who
are involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
remain healthier
Comparison requires “than”, not ‘then’ nor ‘as’.
then
person who don’t play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. With this, by introducing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
classes in curriculum activities
undoubtedly
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keeps
student active and fitter.

On other hand, education about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
unhealthy. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
aware about our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that we eat,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential factor to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
fit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
Moreover
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
information about effects of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
like oily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
etc then they will not take it. For an instance, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are finding to be more suffering from disease.
However
, parent plays vital role in the matters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spent more time with
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they learn the things what they teach them.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, beside this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
concern is
also
major part to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
oneself fit and active.
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IELTS essay The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved some people think that the best way to deal with this is problem is to introduce more physical education lesson in the school curriculum.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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