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The following is from a recent email by the Diord Corp. Human Resources lIanager: "Tobor Technologies found that mental health problems and mental illness were responsible for about 15 percent of employee sick days. Tobor amended its employee insurance p

The following is from a recent email by the Diord Corp. Human Resources lIanager: " Tobor Technologies found that mental health problems and mental illness were responsible for about 15 percent of employee sick days. Tobor amended its employee insurance p xmP0b
The argument above states an analogy between measures adopted by Tobor Techonologies and those proposed by DIord Corp in reducing employee sick days, focusing on mental illnesses as a cause of absenteeism. However, the argument is not entirely logically convincing, while it ignores several certain crucial assumptions. One of the first faulty assumptions that the argument makes is that the psychologist is successful in curing the mental illnesses of employees. The employees may or may not have benefitted from the psychologist's help. Also, it assumes that the reduction in number of sick days is solely due to the implementation program. It cannot be assumed so, when it is possible that there are other reasons causing a decrease in number of leaves. The number may have been reduced due to better health facilities, decreased occurences of diseases or decrease in casual leaves. On similar lines it assumes the mental illnesses to be the only reasons of decrease in employee attendance. Sencondly, the argument assumes the working conditions to be the same in the two companies. The results in Tabor techonologies cannot be extrapolated to Dior Corp, unless we consider the working conditions in the companies which may or may not be suitabe for employees or have the same conditions. Similarly the reason for increase in sick days in Dior Corps may be other than mental illnesses, in which case, the insurance program and the counseling sessions won't work. The last wrong assumption of with argument is that increase in attendance will increase in productivity. This does not consider the fact that productivity may not increase if other factors like employee negligence, strikes, shutdowns, technical difficulties may lead to a decrease in productivity. The argument can thus be shown to have many unstated assumptions that weakens its claims and puts forth a weak statement. The argument could have been strengthened by giving a percentage of leaves in Dior Corps that were caused by mental illness, or the similarities in the working conditions that could endorse the implementation of same measures in both companies.
The
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argument
above states an analogy between measures adopted by
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Tobor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Techonologies
and those proposed by
Possible spelling mistake found.
DIord
Corp in reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
sick days, focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
as a cause of absenteeism.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is not
entirely
logically
convincing, while it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignores
several certain crucial assumptions.

One of the
first
faulty assumptions that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
is that the psychologist is successful in curing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
may or may not have
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
from the psychologist's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Also
, it assumes that the reduction in number of sick days is
solely
due to the implementation program. It cannot
be assumed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, when it is possible that there are other reasons causing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
in number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
. The number may have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to better health facilities, decreased
Possible spelling mistake found.
occurences
of diseases or
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decrease
in casual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
. On similar lines it assumes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
to be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
attendance.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Sencondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
assumes the working conditions to be the same in the two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. The results in Tabor
Possible spelling mistake found.
techonologies
cannot
be extrapolated
to Dior Corp, unless we consider the working conditions in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which may or may not be
Possible spelling mistake found.
suitabe
for
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employees
or have the same conditions.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
the reason for
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increase
in sick days in Dior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Corps
may be other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
, in which case, the insurance program and the counseling sessions won't work.

The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
assumption of with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in attendance will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in productivity. This does not consider the fact that productivity may not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
if other factors like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
negligence, strikes, shutdowns, technical difficulties may lead to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decrease
in productivity.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
can
thus
be shown
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unstated assumptions that weakens its claims and puts forth a weak statement. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
could have
been strengthened
by giving a percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
in Dior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Corps
that
were caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
, or the similarities in the working conditions that could endorse the implementation of same measures in both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
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IELTS essay The following is from a recent email by the Diord Corp. Human Resources lIanager: " Tobor Technologies found that mental health problems and mental illness were responsible for about 15 percent of employee sick days. Tobor amended its employee insurance p

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
341 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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