Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo Inc a chain of hobby shops Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon We discovered that there a

The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo Inc a chain of hobby shops Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon We discovered that there a 9LYaj
The author of the memo claims that the president of HobCo, Inc. should open a new shop on southeastern Grilldon, and suggests several reasons that seem to uphold his/her claim. However, the memo is rife with holes and assumptions, which need to be eliminated in order for the author to uphold his/her claim with clear warrant. Such flaws will be discussed with further details below. First of all, the author needs to provide substantial information about the type of poll that was conducted. Maybe the questions were mainly asking about the types of shops the residents would like to have instead of asking if they are willing to welcome a new hobby shop. Also, the lists of shops other than the hobby shop for the participants to choose were already redundant in southeastern Grilldon, and the poll did not accept any null choices. If so, then the residents would have had to choose the hobby shop even though they did not wish to. Also, even if the residents did choose the hobby shop according to their wish, it does not always indicate that they would become a customer of the hobby business. The poll should have asked if the residents feel the need of a hobby shop and are currently pursuing or wish to pursue a hobby. Furthermore, the author needs to clarify exactly how many residents among the total number of residents participated in the poll. If only a hundred of people among millions of residents participated in the survey, then the result showing that 88 percent of the residents welcomed the new hobby shop seems negligible. There is also a possibility that the poll had been conducted only for a few hours, allowing only certain types of residents who does not work to respond to the poll. If this is the case, then the participants are inept to represent all the residents in the region. Secondly, the author assumes that since Grilldon is in a region where hobby business increased extensively since a decade ago, Grilldon must be showing the same results. However, this is clearly a haste assumption. Maybe all the other regions except Grilldon are responsible to the increase in hobby business and Grilldon actually decreased or stayed just the same as before. The author would have to clarify if the increase in hobby business also increased in Grilldon just like the other places in the region. Last but not least, the author indicates that because many retirees reside in Grilldon, the hobby business would prosper in Grilldon. However, being a retiree does not always lead to having enough time to devote in doing hobbies. Maybe the majority of the retirees in Grilldon are currently occupied in jobs that does not require any age limits, such as owning a store, doing private lessons to certain types of people, or volunteering. The author would have to be more precise in whether the retirees actually do have enough time to devote on hobbies instead of assuming in a haste. To sum up, even though the author of the memo's claim seems plausible, through thorough investigation and reading the memo from various points of view, it is confirmed that the author's claim is unwarranted. For him/her to maintain the claim, he/she would have to eliminate the mistakes of making haste assumptions, lack of thorough investigation, and lack of substantial and clear information.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
of the memo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claims
that the president of
Possible spelling mistake found.
HobCo
, Inc. should open a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
on southeastern
Possible spelling mistake found.
Grilldon
, and suggests several reasons that seem to uphold his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claim
.
However
, the memo is rife with holes and assumptions, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be eliminated
in order for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
to uphold his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claim
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
warrant. Such flaws will
be discussed
with
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
below.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to provide substantial information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poll
that
was conducted
. Maybe the questions were
mainly
asking about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
would like to have
instead
of asking if they are willing to welcome a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
.
Also
, the lists of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
other than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
for the participants to choose were already redundant in southeastern
Possible spelling mistake found.
Grilldon
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poll
did not accept any null choices. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
Did you mean "had had"?
would have had
to choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
even though
they did not wish to.
Also
, even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
did choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
according to their wish, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not always indicate that they would become a customer of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poll
should have asked if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
feel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
and are
currently
pursuing or wish to pursue a hobby.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to clarify exactly how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
among the total number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
participated in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poll
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a hundred of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
among millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
participated in the survey, then the result showing that 88 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
welcomed the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
seems negligible. There is
also
a possibility that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poll
had
been conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for a few hours, allowing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not work to respond to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poll
. If this is the case, then the participants are inept to represent all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
in the region.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
assumes that since
Possible spelling mistake found.
Grilldon
is in a region where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
increased
extensively
since a decade ago,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Grilldon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be showing the same results.
However
, this is
clearly
a haste assumption. Maybe all the other regions except
Possible spelling mistake found.
Grilldon
are responsible to the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Grilldon
actually decreased or stayed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the same as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
clarify if the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
also
increased in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Grilldon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like the other places in the region.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
indicates that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirees
reside in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Grilldon
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
would prosper in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Grilldon
.
However
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retiree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not always lead to having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to devote in doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
. Maybe the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirees
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Grilldon
are
currently
occupied in jobs that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not require any age limits, such as owning a store, doing private lessons to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, or volunteering. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be more precise in whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirees
actually do have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to devote on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
instead
of assuming in a haste.

To sum up,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
of the memo's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claim
seems plausible, through thorough investigation and reading the memo from various points of view, it
is confirmed
that the author's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claim
is unwarranted
. For him/her to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
claim
, he/she would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
eliminate the mistakes of making haste assumptions, lack of thorough investigation, and lack of substantial and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
information.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo Inc a chain of hobby shops Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon We discovered that there a

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
563 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo Inc a chain of hobby shops Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon We discovered that there a