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The following appeared in the editorial section of a national news magazine:[/b]"The rating system for electronic games is similar to the movie rating system in that it provides consumers with a quick reference so that they can determine if the subject ma

The following appeared in the editorial section of a national news magazine: [/b]" The rating system for electronic games is similar to the movie rating system in that it provides consumers with a quick reference so that they can determine if the subject ma LrqjK
The argument claims that the electronic games rating system, although similar to the movie rating system, is not working because it is self regulated and violation fines are nominal, Hence, the gaming rating system should be overseen by an independent body. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion relies on assumptions, for which there is no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing, and has several flaws. First, the argument readily assumes that because the electronic gam. . .
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
claims that the electronic games rating system, although similar to the movie rating system, is not working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is self regulated and violation fines are nominal,
Hence
, the gaming rating system should be overseen by an independent body. Stated in this way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
fails to mention several key factors, on the basis of which it could
be evaluated
. The conclusion relies on assumptions, for which there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evidence.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is
rather
weak, unconvincing, and has several flaws.

First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
readily
assumes that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the electronic
Possible spelling mistake found.
gam
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.

IELTS essay The following appeared in the editorial section of a national news magazine: [/b]" The rating system for electronic games is similar to the movie rating system in that it provides consumers with a quick reference so that they can determine if the subject ma

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
97 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • The following appeared in the editorial section of a national news magazine:[/b]"The rating system for electronic games is similar to the movie rating system in that it provides consumers with a quick reference so that they can determine if the subject ma